It's Our Anniversary

I met my partner fifteen years ago today. Wow - crazy huh? We don't really celebrate this as our anniversary. We actually celebrate March 15 as our anniversary as that was the date we had our committment ceremony. But I think the date we met is still an important milestone that needs to be remembered. So to Christopher James Stevens - Happy Day I Met You Anniversary!

Picture it. Troy Univeristy. 1996. Sigma Chi fraternity was having their rush week and this would be their first big party for the semester. I am a brother of Phi Beta Sigma fratnernity and had never attended a rush party for a predomintely white greek organization. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. But I had a friend that wanted to pledge and he didn't want to go to the party alone. So (in an effort of support) off I went to attend a Sigma Chi party.

It was exactly what I was expecting. Lots of drinking. Lots of boy on girl action and stupid fraternity craziness. Being gay and not being a drunk - I ended up standing in the hallway all evening talking with the one Sigma Chi brother that seemed to be able to hold a real conversation. I had no clue whatsoever that this frat boy played on my team. I did not get that vibe from him. But nonetheless I still enjoyed spending most of the evening with him. Then the next day I got a phone call from him (which was weird considering I never gave him my phone number). Apparently he went to one of his brothers to find out who I came with, then he tracked down my buddy that waned to pledge and asked for my number. Although this projected some of his stalker tendencies, I was still a bit impressed. And here we are fifteen years later - still together.

I have to tell you this - I love being in a relationship with this man. I love coming home to a man that I find beautiful, kind, and intelligent. He is supportive - and this alone is a heavy burden as I am involved in so many different things. He is encouraging - I don't think I would have ever finished my first book if he wasn't always harrassing me with "how's your book coming?" And I really appreciate the fact that he is not demanding or high maintenance.

I won't pretend that every moment with him has been wonderful. As with any relationship, there is the good and the bad. But for some reason neither of us has gone running during the bad. I'm not really sure why that is. Many people I know end their "relationship" after the first argument. I've never really understood that because you will never find a person that you are in complete agreement with 100% of the time. If you do find this person - either you're masking your feelings or they are masking theirs. No two people will ever be on total accord.

I sometimes wonder if we're still together because we had great relationship role models. Chris' parents are still together. Lee and Carol Stevens are still very happily married after all these years and they really seem to like each others company. My parents, Linda and Eugene Green, were together until the day we lost my dad to lung cancer. I've seen them happy and I've seen then sad. I've seen them fighting and I've seen them make up. But no matter what - they were always there for each other. So we both grew up in homes where we witnessed successful relationships and we know that "happily ever after" doesn't really exist.

Looking back over the many years we've been together I can't help but think about that song by Paul Jones. The lyrics basically said, "I've had some good days. I've had some hills to climb. I've had some weary days and some sleepless nights. But when look around and I think things over, all of my good days outweigh my days so I won't complain."

My good days with Chris far outweigh the bad. I know we've had fights before but honestly they are so few and far between that they've become irrelevent. And I am not one of those people that tries to remember what happened in a fight so I can use it as a weapon later.

So at this moment, fifteen years after the day we met, I think I'll keep him. He makes me laugh which is very important. He's got my back no matter what and he's proved this over and over again. I can talk with him about anything (I'm very much an introvert so many of my conversations actually happen in my head -but when I need to talk he is there). And I still consider him one of the sexiest people I know.

So again to Chris - Happy Day I Met You Anniversary. I'm anxiously looking ahead for fifteen more great years.