Positive and Promiscuous? Does this make you a criminal?

Last Friday, the man above was tried for a public health violation. Twenty-seven year old John Conway Hart of Raleigh, NC is accused of having sex with someone and not disclosing his HIV status. If found guilty he will face up to four months in prison and he will be subjected to a medical quarantine. The numbers of black gay men diagnosed with HIV continues to rise. Many are arguing that the potential for prosecution will deter many men from getting tested because knowledge that they are positive could lead to a criminal prosecution but ignorance of your status leaves you in the clear.

I'm personally really torn on this issue.  I have many friends that are positive and I know how difficult it is to disclose.  The social stigma associate with being positive has not disappeared.  Telling your potential sex partner that you have HIV could send him/ her screaming and running toward the door.

So how can we condemn the positive person that does not want to disclose his HIV status.  The fear of rejection is powerful and until you've walked in the shoes of a positive person you cannot judge him.

However, on the other hand, when a person repeatedly hooks up for sex and lies about his HIV status (when he knows that he is positive) and he chooses to not use condoms (putting his partner at risk for cero-conversion), how can I not see this person as a predator.

I must preface my opinion with this, I have a bit of a bias when it comes to this issue.  I have a very close friend that fell victim to this.  He and a person that will remain nameless started dating.  They became very serious and would eventually move in with each other.  They decided that they would build a loving, trusting, monogamous relationship.  My friend got tested for HIV because he was ready to move toward a relationship that did not include condoms. 

The person that shall remain nameless shared that he was tested also and that he too was negative.  We did not know at the time but this person had been knowingly living with HIV for several years and did not want anyone to know.  My friend would become positive as a result of this individual and his web of lies.

And guess what else was happening in this relationship?  Unnamed person also had a profile on Adam4Adam, Gay.com and several other men seeking men sites looking for bareback sex.  He was claiming that he was HIV negative on these sites.  This information would only come to the surface after my friend was diagnosed positive and several individuals from the community came forward and shared that they had had unprotected sex with unnamed person.

My thoughts immediately were that this person should be locked up for all eternity.  This man was deliberately trying to infect people.  There are no if, ands or buts about it.  I am convinced that he wanted to pass the virus on to as many people as he could.  Because of him, when I hear stories like this I think "send the bastard to jail!" 

I'm aware that these are distinctly different circumstances.  Occasionally having sex with someone and not disclosing your HIV status is not the same as seeking out unknowing victims, outright lying about your status and making the decision not to use protection.  One stems from fear and discomfort.  The other stems from revenge and hatred. 

So here is the problem as I see it.  Who gets to decide where we draw the line?  Who determines when one moves from victim to predator?  And when does personal accountability come into account?  If we all know how HIV and STDs are transmitted, then how can we really blame others when we become infected? 

But those are just my thoughts.  How do you feel?  Should HIV positive individuals be tried as criminals for having sex without disclosing their status?

Phoenix Rainbow Festival 2011

I'm sitting at home on a Monday evening trying to recover from the phenomenal weekend that just happened in Phoenix.  This weekend Phoenix would see the Rainbow Festival, AIDS Walk, and Black Party all go down within a matter of two days.  For now I'll just focus on the Rainbow Festival (details about other events to follow).  The Rainbow Festival was amazing.  The jump off happened at the downtown Heritage Square Park.

Why do I love the Rainbow Festival?  Much like Phoenix Gay Pride weekend, the Rainbow Festival is one of those rare times when many from the LGBT community come out and celebrate the richness and diversity of our community. So the event always turns into a bit of a reunion for me.  It's like a family barbeque, you get to see those friends that you haven't seen in a while come out and party for a moment. 

What made this year so special was that I was one of the Phoenix Pride "Creative Expressions Coming Out Stories" contest winners.  As a winner I was able to share my coming out story with those in attendance.  I chose to share my coming out story by way of a video (you can see the video here).  Others chose different "creative expressions" for sharing how they came out.  Erin Whitney shared her rainbow colored heart shaped tattoo located on the back of her neck.  Erin Clawson wrote a poem that summarized her coming out experience.  You can learn about all of the coming out contest winners here.

The highlight of the weekend was the performance by Bebe Zahara Benet.  Winner from season one of RuPaul's Drag Race.  Bebe was in town for the Black Party presented by the Men of Libra where she would be debutting her new single, Dirty Drums.  Before the party she made a pitstop by the Rainbow Festival to perform a couple of numbers.  It seemed the entire festival swooped over to the stage to see Bebe perform.  Phoenix showed Bebe the love she deserves.

We learned this weekend that Phoenix Pride has now acquire the Rainbow Festival.  So from this point forward this event will be sponsored, created and presented by Phoenix Pride.  I'm sure we will be seeing some changes to the festival in the future because of this change but one thing that Phoenix Pride has promised us, the Rainbow Festival is now and will always be a free events that is welcoming to the LGBT community and friends and family of the community.

If you weren't there this year hopefully I'll see you at the Rainbow Fest 2012.  See all my pics from the event here.

Goodbye Don't Ask, Don't Tell!

The day has finally come.  It's official.  The days of Don't Ask, Don't Tell are officially behind us.  Today, September 20, marks the first day of the end of this policy that forced gay men and women in the military to stay closeted.   This policy ended the careers of many soldiers that were discovered to be gay.  This policy forced many men and women that wanted to serve their country not to enlist because they couldn't endure the homophobic environment.  And now on this most beautiful of days we wave goodbye to Don't Ask, Don't Tell. 

One of the most powerful quotes I've ever read was on the grave of a former officer that was kicked out of the military after he was outed.  It read, "The military gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one."  This sums up perfectly how most rational thinking people feel about the exclusion of gays from the military. 

I'm excited about this new era.  I'm pleased to see this day has come to pass.  And I'm elated for all of the same-gender loving men and women that are currently serving in the military.  They no longer have to fear that they will be discharged if it is discovered that they love someone of the same sex.

My first partner was a military man.  I have to admit this, it was his uniform that attracted me to him.  I was a senior history major at Troy University and this man would come to class every day in his Army fatigues.  I won't lie to you - I thought he was extremely hot.  I would have never imagined that he could possibly be gay.  I mean - he was a soldier.  I guess it goes without saying that I was very naive in college.  We would become study buddies and eventually would become lovers.  He was my first love.  He was my partner for almost two years and in college years this is a very long time.

Yes, my first love was a sargeant in the Army.  This sargeant shared with me his desire to be out.  He yearned so much to be able to hold my hand and walk across campus with me.  He wanted very badly to put a picture of me on his desk at work.  But he knew there would be serious consequences of making such a move.  Coming out would have yielded the end of his military career, the loss of his home and the end of his pursuit of his bachelors degree.  He would have lost everything he cared about and worked so hard for.

I wish my sargeant would have been able to come out.  He eventually did.  He would in time leave the military just for his own mental sanity.  He could not remain in an culture that did not allow him the freedom of expression to love whom he pleased.   I was thrilled that he decided to follow his heart and made this decision that allowed him to be his authentic self. 

So as we celebrate this day of freedom I think about my first love and how different his life would have been if he were able to be out in the military.  I think about all those talented military men that put their lives on the line for their country but were discharged just because they loved someone of the same gender.  I think about all that gay men and women that still served but lived in fear that one day their "secret" would be revealed. 

I personally want to thank all gay men and women that have served past and present for their contributions to our country.  Whether you were discharged because you were outed or whether you successfully served without being disclosed, I appreciate everything you've done in paving the way for this day to happen.

Only time will tell what happens next but I'm eagerly looking forward to what tomorrow brings!

Is It That Hard Out There for Black Actors?

Today while I was watching my usual Sunday night Fox line-up, I saw a new commercial for Verizon Wireless. Nothing too exciting about the commerical really. It starts with three Verizon store employees shutting down and exiting the store and . . . hold up, wait, is that Flex Alexander playing one of the Verizon employees?


You can see the commerical below . . .


I was seriously thrown for a loop. That was Flex Alexander. Flex was the star of One on One which ran for five years on UPN. He was a marvelous stand up commediane. He even starred as Michael Jackson in a VHI movie.  He was one of the actors that many within the Black community looked up to because, well, he had "made it."  In this commercial he doesn't even have a speaking part.

After seeing this commercial, I immediately had a flash back of last Christmas when I saw T. C. Carson (Living Single's Kyle Barker) singing in a T. J. Maxx commercial.


Yes - that was Kyle Barker singing in that commercial. He wasn't even the main actor in the commercial.

I had mixed emotions while watching both of these. Should I be excited because atleast these men that I looked up to are still working and booking gigs? Or should I see these as an example of the struggles of black folks trying to survive in an industry that has not been kind to them?

To both of these men I say, "make your paper boo!"  I ain't made at cha.  Although it is discouraging to see them have to take parts that are so minimal (I would even go so far as to say far beneath them), I do understand that we're living in a tough economy and bills still have to be made.  So instead sitting on their pride and turning down roles, these men are still getting out there and making money.

I'm looking forward to seeing both these men in their glory again.  I still have much respect for them. 

I Adore Carlease Burke

Carlease Burke just got her big break.  According to The Advocate, Burke just landed a role on the upcoming season of the popular Showtime series Shameless.  You may recognize Carlease from her picture.  She is no newby to Hollywood.  She has appeared in countless roles both on the big screen and small screen including Get Shorty, In Her Shoes, Grey's Anatomy and Heroes. 

Burke will be joining an amazing cast as she becomes part of the Shameless family.  The Showtime series includes veteran actor William H. Macy, Joan Cusack, and Emmy Rossum.  Burke who is an out lesbian will be playing Roberta who is described as a foulmouthed and eccentric lesbian.  She will be the love interest of Monica Gallagher (the ex-wife of William H. Macy's character on the show).  

I love the fact that she is in reality an out African-American lesbian.  And I love the fact that she will be portraying a lesbian on a popular TV show.  Lord knows we need more representation of positive black same-gender loving people on the screen.  But above all this, I love the fact that Burke is an advocate for the LGBT community.  According to the Advocate, "Burke is involved with a variety of LGBT organizations, including the Los Angeles–based Women on a Roll and Cornerstone Outreach." 

According to Burke, “One would think that of all people, the black community as a whole would be more understanding and supportive of civil rights and the equality of all people. The only way we are going to make huge strides is when we have the support of straight black people and our churches. Our heterosexual friends and family members need to stick up for us and be proud of their LGBT relatives, who include doctors, teachers, coworkers, police officers.”  She goes on and says, "Black churches have some obligation to advocate for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community, especially since it preaches that God is love and created us all in his image."

Homophobia in Professional Sports

Tomorrow night at UGIMA (United Gay Informed Men of African-descent) we will be visited by Hairat Agbaje of the Phoenix Suns/ Phoenix Mercury who will talk with us about the exciting upcoming season of the Mighty Mercury and fill us in on the various opportunities that are available if you’re interested in attending any games.

Following Agbaje’s presentation we will immediately go into our topic for the evening – homophobia in professional sports. The recent array of mixed messages were receiving from the NBA has created an interesting dialogue that is happening around the country. What role can LGBT individuals have in professional sports? Do you have be closeted to be successful? When homophobia rears its ugly head - should a league address it or ignore it and pretend like it doesn't exist?

Kobe Bryant was recently fined 100,000 for using a homophobic slur on the same day that Grant Hill was creating a public service announcement that painted the NBA as an LGBT inclusive organization. Several days later Joakim Noah would make the same homophobic slur in a game.

A few years ago the very first NBA player would come out as openly gay. Shortly after retirement and on the verge of releasing his autobiography, John Amaechi announced to the world that he was a gay man. Tim Hardaway’s reaction was swift and point blank. Hardaway’s reply to Amaechi was “You know, I hate gay people, so let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

Please join us as we address homophobia in the arena of professional sports. Would the decision to come out for an athlete be career suicide? Do sports organizations (i.e. NBA, WNBA, NFL, Major League Baseball) have a responsibility to support out LGBT individuals? Is it okay for a transgender individual to compete in an all female sport? These questions have many searching for answers that have political correctness and empathy for all involved.

Big Freedia - The Queen of Bounce

I'm still celebrating Pride Month and Black Music Month.  I love being black and gay.  And love celebrating everything that emcompasses both, celebrates both, and elevates both.  If you are a fan of bounce music then you need to know about the "sissy" artists that are taking this genre to the next level.  Bounce music a.k.a. Booty Music is a product of th Dirty South.  It originated in New Orleans and some of the biggest names in Hip Hop made it to the top with Bounce Music.

Meet Big Freedia . . .

Big Freedia and other sissy artists like Sissy Noby and Katey Red are claiming their spot in the world of Bounce Music. Having grown up in the South myself I know how deeply rooted this music is. It's wonderful to now see LGBT artists picking up the mic and putting their own unique twist on this phenomenon. There's something wonderful happening in New Orleans and nobody down there cares that these artists are gay. Their music is great and people are just enjoying what they're hearing and not spending any time focused on the sexual orientation of the artist.

I swear I can't hear this music without bobbing my head and shaking my ass.  And that's a good thing.  Unfortunately we still have a whole lotta people hating on Bounce music.  It's often referred to as Ghetto and I gonna assume that supposed to be a bad thing (cause there are some great things that come out of the ghetto).  If you look at the videos you will find lots of girls scantily dressed and dancing prevocatively but seriously isn't that something that we condemn on each new generation.  I will continue to support Bounce music.  Now that I've discovered Big Freedia and other same gender loving artists within this genre of music I will love it even more.

Check out more Big Freedia here . . .

LGBT Month and Black Music Month - What Should You Do?

Most people within the LGBT community are aware that June is Gay Pride month.  Many people are unaware of this but June is also Black music month.  Do these celebrations have to be done exclusive of each other?  No, I don't think so.  This is the perfect opportunity for us to focus on the interesting intersections where these two different paths collide.

There are two documentaries that immediately come to mind that allow one to enjoy African-American music and simulatenously vast in the same-gender loving experience.  Pick Up the Mic and U People are two wonderful films that I encourage everyone to check out.

PICK UP THE MIC

Pick Up the Mic is fantastic. It is a film that explores the world of gay hip-hop. Yes I said it. GAY. HIP HOP. Two words that many assume should never go together. What I find so spectacular about the film is its ability to touch on so many issues that are universal to the LGBT experience. This film touches on trans issues, LGBT youth suicide, and social stigma. But the primary reason you should watch this film is for the amazing music these individuals are creating.

U People

What can I say - this film was simply unbelievable. A group of black same-gender loving women came together at a brownstone in Brooklyn to shoot a music video. What came of this was a documentary that everyone should see. This documentary is the result of magical moment that just so happened to be captured on film. These beautiful, creative, successful women came together to shoot a video for Hanifah Walidah and some brilliant person decided to capture the entire experience on film. The result is an interesting kalieascope of characters and stories and relationships that is a must see.

To all - Happy Pride Month and Happy Black Music month. Please take the time to pick up a copy of either or both of these films. I promise you will not be disappointed.

Basketball Player Comes Out

I thought National Coming Out Day happened in October. This is the third big coming out story this week and it's only Tuesday. First, the President of the Phoenix Suns comes out. Then CNN host Don Lemmon comes out. Now - former Villanova basketball player, Will Sheridan, comes out of the closet. I feel like the sun is shining just a little bit brighter today.

Happy Birthday B-Slade

He has one ofthe greatest voices I've ever heard come out of a man. I remember the first time I ever heard the name "Tonex." I was watching Showtime at the Apollo. If you've ever seen the show you know it doesn't come on 'til like midnight. Anywho, someone introduced this young, new brother that was making waves in the gospel community. This man with long, flowing locks stepped up to the mic and started singing, "you are my personal Jesus . . ."

To say I was floored would be an understatement. This man could sang like nobody's business. I was so amazed by his voice that I immediately got up off the sofa, got dressed and went to the nearest 24 hour Walmart with the hopes that they might be carrying the CD by the phenomenal young man I had just witnessed.

Imagine the joy I felt when I learned that Tonex (after several very successful gospel albums) came out of the closet. To the shock of many within the faith community, after professing he was homosexual he refused to walk away from the Lord. Tonex stated he would continue to praise His name. Tonex would not let other people deny him God.

I loved this. I have to admit (growing up in Alabama which is in the heart of the Bible Belt) I was repeated told that homosexuality was an abomination. I realized I was gay at a very young age so imagine the identity issues I had when I realized I was the person my pastor was referring to.

It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that God loved me unconditionally. Being Gay is how God made me and I refuse to deny who I am just to make others comfortable. So I enjoy seeing others who are comfortable in who they are and do not allow themselves to be defined by others. Tonex is one of those individuals.

Now going my the name B. Slade in an effort to reach a new demographic, this man is still making phenomenal music. B. Slade is gay. B. Slade loves God. And because of these things B. Slade is a hero to me.

Today, May 16, is B. Slade's birthday so I want to scream loudly - Happy Birthday B. Slade. I admire you and I wish you many more years of success.



Below is Tonex singing one of my all time favorite songs . . . Restoration.

Lesbian Couple Wants Dream Wedding

So I just  read this terrific article over at The Advocate.  Theresa Thacker and Heather Thomason are competing in the Crate and Barrel Ultimate Dream Wedding contest.  I was just too excited to learn about this African-American same-gender loving couple being out and proud and putting themselves out there like this.  The two currently reside in Douglasville, Georgia and get this - combined they are the parents of fourteen (14) kids. 

The reason they decided to enter the competition was simple.  They love each other very much and would like to get married in April 2012, the second year anniversary from the date that they met.  However, the job of being parents to 14 can be very expensive and they do not have the money to have their dream wedding.

The two met online and Theresa (the mom of nine adoptive kids) just knew Heather would runaway screaming when she learned about the number of kids she had.  On the contrary Heather would prove to be more supportive that Theresa ever expected.  According to Theresa, “Heather takes care of me and ensures I don't lose sight of the fact that I am more than a mom of nine kids.”

Please cast your vote for the two of them to have their dream wedding here.

Kobe Bryant Homophobic?

Kobe Bryant is being hit with a $100,000 fine for making a homophobic slur. Is this right? I don't like the guy, I really don't. But when I heard about this big of a fine being imposed I almost had sympathy for him. Then I watched the video.

I don't know if Kobe is homophobic or not. I do not believe the slur used in this instance was being used in a homophobic manner. I think he was angry (he does have a short temper)and I think he resorted to inappropriate words to act out his anger.

Should he be fined this large amount for his short fuse? Absolutely. Everybody knows that words have power and actions have consequences. What Kobe did (if ignored by the NBA) would have sent out the message that its okay to use this word in times of anger. And the bottom line is this - its never okay to use this word.

It's also a weird issue of timing for the NBA. As the video below points out, this happens on the same day that that the league is trying to create the message that the NBA is a "gay friendly" place. If they had not taken action against Kobe, the video done by Grant Hill would have been made in vain.

So Kobe - watch your mouth. And know that when your act out, get angry, or go unchecked, there will be consequences and repurcussions. And at this moment the consequence is $100,000 out of your pocket.

Dear Mama . . .

Happy Birthday to my mom, Ms. Linda Louis Green. Today my mom turns 61. Not sure if I've ever shared the story of how I came out to my mom. Picture it - Frisco City, Alabama, 1995. I was at home visiting with my mom. I would be home for several days and she was making a list of things she wanted me to do while she would be at work the next day. Mama had met my boyfriend several days earlier but I had not yet disclosed the nature of the relationship I had with this guy. I only introduced him as "my friend."

As we were sitting at the kitchen table my mom started making a list of my next day duties. She started with, "first I want you to pay the light bill and if you could then go and pay my cable bill."

At this point I interrupted with, "I need to give Eddie a phone call."

Her response, "Who is Eddie?"

I replied, "He's the guy you meet a couple of days ago."

My mom continues, "Oh okay . . . I need you to go by the bank and make a deposit for me. Put this money in my checkings account and put this in my savings."

So I interrupted again, "Mama, Eddie and I have been dating for about a year now."

Her reply, "Who is Eddie?"

Again I say, "He's the guy you met a couple of days ago"

My mom, "Oh okay . . . and then I need you to go to the Post Office.

Me, "Mama did you hear what I just said. Me and Eddie are a couple."

Mama, "Yeah - okay."

Me, "Do you have anything to say."

Mama, "I don't know what to say. Are you happy? Cause if you're happy then I'm happy."

I remember this conversation so well because it had such a profound influence I how I would live my life. The unconditional love and support of family has a way of giving you immeasurable self-esteem. If she had expressed some disappointment of disapproval I'm not sure what I would have done. I do know this - once I had my mom's acceptance, I really didn't give a damn about what anyone else in the world thought about my being gay.

Mama - I am who am because of you. I love you and I pray that you're having a terrific birthday. I wish I could be there with you.

Last night I had an opportunity to the check out the Student of Color Organizing Conference here in Phoenix. Sponsored by GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network), this event was created for people of color that are LGBT high school students or allies. It was open for attendance by any student interested in becoming a community organizer. I naturally get excited about any event held for LGBT people of color and gave the local GLSEN a phone call to offer my assistance in anyway. Although I would not be apart of any of the training or learning of the day, I was able to participate in the best part, the closing dinner.

Yes, it was fun to walk in just as the food was being served but that was not why this was the best part. I say this was the best time because it was during the dinner that all the students that attended had an opportunity to share. Individuals around the room stood and shared what they learned during the event, what they will take away from the event, and what they will do now as a result of the event. All of the students on hand talked about how phenomenal the experience was. It was a pleasure for me to hear this because I’ll be the first to admit, I’d been getting a bit afraid of what the future holds for the LGBT community, specifically for LGBT communities of color. I was under the impression that the only thing young queer kids today are thinking about are Beyonce, fashion and serving attitude. Every time I think I hear something almost profound by one of the many youth I periodically encounter, it always seems to be followed by a “BITCH!”

I left the conference a bit more encouraged about the future of my community. These kids were smart, articulate, socially conscience and talented. Following the dinner the kids had a chance to take part in an “open mic” if they were so inclined to participate. Several kids shared their own poetry and one young kid braved the mic (inspite of his obvious nerves) and sang.

Following the dinner I had an opportunity to network with some of the folks of GLSEN (from the local chapter and from the national chapter), some phenomenal individuals from the ACLU and a couple of great folks from P-FLAG. It was great being able to hold real conversations about relevant issues. I always find it taxing when I'm trying to talk to someone and the only thing they're able to discuss at length is what's happening on Top Model or American Idol.

I’m riding on an emotional high following this conference. I personally want to thank the GLSEN organizers for creating a safe place for LGBT students of color. They enjoyed it and they learned a lot. lso I enjoyed it and I’m a bit more hopeful as a result.