Jason Howard Green

Jason Howard Green

Friday, September 29, 2017

Do You Really Want a Relationship?

I just recently saw the latest rant from a single friend of mine on Facebook.  He was going on and on about how he is so over the gay scene, about how most men are just whores who aren't looking for love, about how no one is worthy of trust, and about how he will probably be single for the rest of his life.  I know this individual well enough to know that while he may be projecting fault for his lack of relationship on others, most of the blame for this void in coupling falls squarely on his lap.

While I reflected on this for a moment, it dawned on me that this may be true for many of my gay friends.  I know several men (and some women) who refuse to date a man that is shorter than them.  I know individuals that have dismissed a potential mate because they don't make enough money.  Sometimes they aren't fine enough.  Sometimes they aren't cute enough.  I've seen men label someone as their boyfriend and after their first fight they go their separate ways.  And these fights can be over things as trivial as, "Did you like the movie?" 

For countless men I know, their first time meeting someone comes from a hook up site.  The reality is we're living in the days of Grindr, Craigslist, and Plenty of Fish.  For many friends I have, when they meet someone, they have seen the other person's dick long before they have ever heard their voice or seen their face. And we must address the aspects here that make people quickly dismiss others.  I personally feel people need time to get to know what turns on someone else sexually.  But in this age of free and omnipresent porn, if the sex isn't mind-blowing on the night they meet, there will never be an opportunity for a second "date."

So let's be real!  How can someone ever be good enough to make it to relationship material?  Their was a time when people were concerned about "do we have the same values."  Today's concern's are more along the lines of, "He said he's a top, but he only has six and half inches!"

It's time to have a real long, internal conversation.  Why do you think relationships always fall just out of your grasp?  You say there are no good men in the dating pool, but aren't you in the dating pool?  If you have great qualities and characteristics, don't you feel that there may be others out there who are good and descent as well?  You may never honestly be able to answer these questions if your "dating" life cycle is limited to shallow and superficial standards, dick pics, random hook-ups.  Could the problem be you?

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Confessions of a Black Queer In New England

A.K.A. "I'm Coming Out.  I Want the World To Know!"  I've been living in Manchester, NH for just over six months and I must say, it's been an interesting journey.  I wake up every morning still happy I made the move because I wake up next to a person I am still very much in love with.  After months of searching I have finally found employment.  Thanks to friendly neighbors, classes, and work, I am starting to develop some friends in this new area, so I'm grateful for that as well.

But I must admit, there is still a lot I'm longing for in this new place called home.  As a black gay man, it's so difficult to be totally comfortable in a place that is so white and so straight.  Manchester has nothing to offer the LGBT community outside of it's two gay bars.  I am over 40 and I am in a relationship.  The bars have nothing of interest for me. I would love to see a community center.  Gay and lesbian organizations.  Hell, I'd even be happy just to see an LGBT book club. 

When I lived in Arizona I thought there were very few black people.  We were only 4 percent of the state, but at least in Phoenix, we made up 12% of the city. Many folks (black folks included) prefer to live in a more urban area so we were a higher part of the population in the city. There weren't as many black folks as what I was used to growing up in the South, but at least we were represented .  And though there wasn't a plethora of black faces, there was an abundance of brown faces.  So it was still nice to see quite a diverse population.  Here in New Hampshire, it is just white.  White. White. White!

On a positive note, this state is way more progressive than Alabama or Arizona.  That helps.  A LOT!  But it would still be inviting if there some LGBT organizations or if I saw more black people on my commute to work.  But alas, it is what it is.

Maybe I'll develop something to fill some of the voids I've witnessed during my short tenure here.  Time will tell.  I'm keeping busy and I've got my boo, so for now I'm good.  But after few months I just wanted to vent about what I've observed.