Jason Howard Green

Jason Howard Green

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Fluidity of Love

I just had a very interesting read on the Essence magazine website. In 1979, Chirlane McCray wrote an article for Essence magazine entitled, “I Am a Lesbian.” This featuredstory was called groundbreaking because at the time there were very few African-Americans with a national spotlight proudly proclaiming their membership within the LGBT community. In the article she explained how she discovered her love for women at a young age.

Thirty four years later McCray is once again being featured in an article for Essence. Why was this recent story so interesting? The story is so interesting to me because now McCray is happily married to Bill de Blasio, Democratic candidate for mayor in New York City. What I loved most about the article is McCray’s refusal to be defined by a label. Also what I find fascinating is what the author describes as “the fluidity of love.”

The by-line for the article bears the name of another groundbreaking Essence writer and one my favorite authors, Linda Villarosa. One of the questions Linda posed to McCray was “how did you go from being a lesbian to falling in love with a man?” McCray answered, “By putting aside the assumptions I had about the form and package my love would come in. By letting myself be free.”

Another very poignant question presented to McCray was “do you consider yourself bisexual?” Again I loved her answer. “I am more than just a label. Why are people so driven to labeling where we fall on the sexual spectrum? Labels put people in boxes, and those boxes are shaped like coffins.” You can read the entire article here http://www.essence.com/2013/05/09/politicians-wife-chirlane-mccray/

The article also made me reflect on a friend of mine. I have a very good friend named Jay. This weekend Jay is getting married to a woman. Up until this moment Jay’s longest relationship was six years with one person. That six year relationship was with a man. Now that Jay is getting married many of his friends and acquaintances (including his ex of six years) are baffled by this decision. They don’t understand how a man that once loved men can now marry a woman. But does it really matter if they understand or not. Jay is comfortable with who he is. His fiancé, fully aware of Jay’s history, is comfortable with herself and her relationship with him. So why would they allow the misunderstanding of others influence their life?

Jay has always been open and honest about his attraction to women. And his fiancé is aware of his previous attraction to men. Jay is open to love and I personally enjoy the fact that he does not let the gender of his partner determine if they are worthy of his affection.

Jay has been confronted with the question as to whether he would stray back to men. He has always answered that he believes in monogamy. If he is with a woman he is only with that woman. If he is with a man he is only with that man. In the article with McCray she receives the question “Are you still attracted to women?” She answers, “I’m married, I’m monogamous, but I’m not dead. Bill isn’t either. I know my husband loves me fiercely and passionately.”

Chirlane and Bill are a beautiful couple with two beautiful children and I wish them the best of luck in their campaign. My friend Jay is one of the most genuine people I know and I wish him and his fiancé a future filled with love and happiness. To everyone reading this know that love and sexuality are fluid for many people. We like to assign labels so that we can better understand people and it is difficult to comprehend when these people won’t go into the box we chose for them. But live and let live. People are free to pursue their passions, their dreams, and their loves. The reality is for some people those things will have several different faces throughout the course of their lives. We are all entitled to that pursuit of happiness and it really doesn’t matter if others understand what makes you happy. As long as you understand.

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