I am still feeling the pain of the election. I am not ashamed to admit that I was a tad bit optimistic. I really had this tickle in my stomach encouraging me and tell me that it was possible for Arizona to do the right think and rid itself of that idiot at the head of the state. Well low and behold here I sit several days later still dumbfounded that Jan Brewer will retain her seat as governor. I guess I should not be surprised. Arizona was, is and probably always will be a red state.
So why am I still in a stupor? Why am I now ready to pack my bags and get the hell up out of this godforsaken state? Why did this election hurt soooo badly? I've been reflecting on my feelings as of late and trying to determine why this election actually meant so much to me. Why would this election have the ability to determine if I would indeed stay in this state or not.
I really don't think its the fact that Jan Brewer is the governor that is the actual catalyst (well not directly). It is the meaning behind the fact that Brewer is governor. Jan Brewer remaining in the capital building means that most of the individuals in this state agree with her. Jan Brewer being governor means that majority of this state is either racist, homophobic or just plain dumb (or atleast it appears that way).
Now I'm really involved in the community. I know alot of people. And most of the people I know don't subscribe to any of the adjectives mentioned above. Most of the people I've come to know are great people. So I'm unsure as to whether I have been unconsciously surrounding myself with like minded people or that people are just being kind to my face (and they're ready to strip me of my rights behind my back). I really don't know what it is.
If we had rid ourselves of Brewer as governor I would have had some affirmation that there is hope for this place I call home. But alas it was not meant to be. There she sits and I'm brokenhearted. Prop 102 several years ago was an attack on the LGBT community and it passed. HB 1070 was an attack on the Latino community and it passed. This is the state that has taken away the right to teach ethnic studies in school. This is the state that allows individuals to carry guns in bars. And this is the state that is now trying to take citizenship away from individuals that are born in this country.
Booker T. Washington stated in his book Up From Slavery that you should "caste your buckets where you stand." By that he meant that you should take a stand where you are and fight for the changes you would like to see. I was very moved by those words when I read them almost twenty years ago. It has been the motto I've lived by for quite some time. But those words from Washington are being replaced by the words of Tina Turner, "I don't care whose wrong or right, I don't really want to fignt no more." I can't do it anymore. Why should I stay in a place where I'm not wanted?
Will I eventually come out of this depression? Hopefully. But the reality is that this election was a wake up call. This election gave me a reflection into the true mindset of many of the individuals around me. However, I refuse to assimilate. So what do I now?