The J Spot

Positive and Promiscuous? Does this make you a criminal?

2011-11-14T20:49:00.000-08:00

Last Friday, the man above was tried for a public health violation. Twenty-seven year old John Conway Hart of Raleigh, NC is accused of having sex with someone and not disclosing his HIV status. If found guilty he will face up to four months in prison and he will be subjected to a medical quarantine. The numbers of black gay men diagnosed with HIV continues to rise. Many are arguing that the potential for prosecution will deter many men from getting tested because knowledge that they are positive could lead to a criminal prosecution but ignorance of your status leaves you in the clear.

I'm personally really torn on this issue. I have many friends that are positive and I know how difficult it is to disclose. The social stigma associate with being positive has not disappeared. Telling your potential sex partner that you have HIV could send him/ her screaming and running toward the door.

So how can we condemn the positive person that does not want to disclose his HIV status. The fear of rejection is powerful and until you've walked in the shoes of a positive person you cannot judge him.

However, on the other hand, when a person repeatedly hooks up for sex and lies about his HIV status (when he knows that he is positive) and he chooses to not use condoms (putting his partner at risk for cero-conversion), how can I not see this person as a predator.

I must preface my opinion with this, I have a bit of a bias when it comes to this issue. I have a very close friend that fell victim to this. He and a person that will remain nameless started dating. They became very serious and would eventually move in with each other. They decided that they would build a loving, trusting, monogamous relationship. My friend got tested for HIV because he was ready to move toward a relationship that did not include condoms.

The person that shall remain nameless shared that he was tested also and that he too was negative. We did not know at the time but this person had been knowingly living with HIV for several years and did not want anyone to know. My friend would become positive as a result of this individual and his web of lies.

And guess what else was happening in this relationship? Unnamed person also had a profile on Adam4Adam, Gay.com and several other men seeking men sites looking for bareback sex. He was claiming that he was HIV negative on these sites. This information would only come to the surface after my friend was diagnosed positive and several individuals from the community came forward and shared that they had had unprotected sex with unnamed person.

My thoughts immediately were that this person should be locked up for all eternity. This man was deliberately trying to infect people. There are no if, ands or buts about it. I am convinced that he wanted to pass the virus on to as many people as he could. Because of him, when I hear stories like this I think "send the bastard to jail!"

I'm aware that these are distinctly different circumstances. Occasionally having sex with someone and not disclosing your HIV status is not the same as seeking out unknowing victims, outright lying about your status and making the decision not to use protection. One stems from fear and discomfort. The other stems from revenge and hatred.

So here is the problem as I see it. Who gets to decide where we draw the line? Who determines when one moves from victim to predator? And when does personal accountability come into account? If we all know how HIV and STDs are transmitted, then how can we really blame others when we become infected?

But those are just my thoughts. How do you feel? Should HIV positive individuals be tried as criminals for having sex without disclosing their status?

Phoenix Rainbow Festival 2011

2011-10-03T21:59:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting at home on a Monday evening trying to recover from the phenomenal weekend that just happened in Phoenix. This weekend Phoenix would see the Rainbow Festival, AIDS Walk, and Black Party all go down within a matter of two days. For now I'll just focus on the Rainbow Festival (details about other events to follow). The Rainbow Festival was amazing. The jump off happened at the downtown Heritage Square Park.

Why do I love the Rainbow Festival? Much like Phoenix Gay Pride weekend, the Rainbow Festival is one of those rare times when many from the LGBT community come out and celebrate the richness and diversity of our community. So the event always turns into a bit of a reunion for me. It's like a family barbeque, you get to see those friends that you haven't seen in a while come out and party for a moment.

What made this year so special was that I was one of the Phoenix Pride "Creative Expressions Coming Out Stories" contest winners. As a winner I was able to share my coming out story with those in attendance. I chose to share my coming out story by way of a video (you can see the video here). Others chose different "creative expressions" for sharing how they came out. Erin Whitney shared her rainbow colored heart shaped tattoo located on the back of her neck. Erin Clawson wrote a poem that summarized her coming out experience. You can learn about all of the coming out contest winners here.

The highlight of the weekend was the performance by Bebe Zahara Benet. Winner from season one of RuPaul's Drag Race. Bebe was in town for the Black Party presented by the Men of Libra where she would be debutting her new single, Dirty Drums. Before the party she made a pitstop by the Rainbow Festival to perform a couple of numbers. It seemed the entire festival swooped over to the stage to see Bebe perform. Phoenix showed Bebe the love she deserves.

We learned this weekend that Phoenix Pride has now acquire the Rainbow Festival. So from this point forward this event will be sponsored, created and presented by Phoenix Pride. I'm sure we will be seeing some changes to the festival in the future because of this change but one thing that Phoenix Pride has promised us, the Rainbow Festival is now and will always be a free events that is welcoming to the LGBT community and friends and family of the community.

If you weren't there this year hopefully I'll see you at the Rainbow Fest 2012. See all my pics from the event here.

Goodbye Don't Ask, Don't Tell!

2011-09-20T22:21:00.000-07:00

The day has finally come. It's official. The days of Don't Ask, Don't Tell are officially behind us. Today, September 20, marks the first day of the end of this policy that forced gay men and women in the military to stay closeted. This policy ended the careers of many soldiers that were discovered to be gay. This policy forced many men and women that wanted to serve their country not to enlist because they couldn't endure the homophobic environment. And now on this most beautiful of days we wave goodbye to Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

One of the most powerful quotes I've ever read was on the grave of a former officer that was kicked out of the military after he was outed. It read, "The military gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one." This sums up perfectly how most rational thinking people feel about the exclusion of gays from the military.

I'm excited about this new era. I'm pleased to see this day has come to pass. And I'm elated for all of the same-gender loving men and women that are currently serving in the military. They no longer have to fear that they will be discharged if it is discovered that they love someone of the same sex.

My first partner was a military man. I have to admit this, it was his uniform that attracted me to him. I was a senior history major at Troy University and this man would come to class every day in his Army fatigues. I won't lie to you - I thought he was extremely hot. I would have never imagined that he could possibly be gay. I mean - he was a soldier. I guess it goes without saying that I was very naive in college. We would become study buddies and eventually would become lovers. He was my first love. He was my partner for almost two years and in college years this is a very long time.

Yes, my first love was a sargeant in the Army. This sargeant shared with me his desire to be out. He yearned so much to be able to hold my hand and walk across campus with me. He wanted very badly to put a picture of me on his desk at work. But he knew there would be serious consequences of making such a move. Coming out would have yielded the end of his military career, the loss of his home and the end of his pursuit of his bachelors degree. He would have lost everything he cared about and worked so hard for.

I wish my sargeant would have been able to come out. He eventually did. He would in time leave the military just for his own mental sanity. He could not remain in an culture that did not allow him the freedom of expression to love whom he pleased. I was thrilled that he decided to follow his heart and made this decision that allowed him to be his authentic self.

So as we celebrate this day of freedom I think about my first love and how different his life would have been if he were able to be out in the military. I think about all those talented military men that put their lives on the line for their country but were discharged just because they loved someone of the same gender. I think about all that gay men and women that still served but lived in fear that one day their "secret" would be revealed.

I personally want to thank all gay men and women that have served past and present for their contributions to our country. Whether you were discharged because you were outed or whether you successfully served without being disclosed, I appreciate everything you've done in paving the way for this day to happen.

Only time will tell what happens next but I'm eagerly looking forward to what tomorrow brings!

Is It That Hard Out There for Black Actors?

2011-08-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

Today while I was watching my usual Sunday night Fox line-up, I saw a new commercial for Verizon Wireless. Nothing too exciting about the commerical really. It starts with three Verizon store employees shutting down and exiting the store and . . . hold up, wait, is that Flex Alexander playing one of the Verizon employees?

You can see the commerical below . . .

I was seriously thrown for a loop. That was Flex Alexander. Flex was the star of One on One which ran for five years on UPN. He was a marvelous stand up commediane. He even starred as Michael Jackson in a VHI movie. He was one of the actors that many within the Black community looked up to because, well, he had "made it." In this commercial he doesn't even have a speaking part.

After seeing this commercial, I immediately had a flash back of last Christmas when I saw T. C. Carson (Living Single's Kyle Barker) singing in a T. J. Maxx commercial.

Yes - that was Kyle Barker singing in that commercial. He wasn't even the main actor in the commercial.

I had mixed emotions while watching both of these. Should I be excited because atleast these men that I looked up to are still working and booking gigs? Or should I see these as an example of the struggles of black folks trying to survive in an industry that has not been kind to them?

To both of these men I say, "make your paper boo!" I ain't made at cha. Although it is discouraging to see them have to take parts that are so minimal (I would even go so far as to say far beneath them), I do understand that we're living in a tough economy and bills still have to be made. So instead sitting on their pride and turning down roles, these men are still getting out there and making money.

I'm looking forward to seeing both these men in their glory again. I still have much respect for them.

I Adore Carlease Burke

2011-08-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

Carlease Burke just got her big break. According to The Advocate, Burke just landed a role on the upcoming season of the popular Showtime series Shameless. You may recognize Carlease from her picture. She is no newby to Hollywood. She has appeared in countless roles both on the big screen and small screen including Get Shorty, In Her Shoes, Grey's Anatomy and Heroes.

Burke will be joining an amazing cast as she becomes part of the Shameless family. The Showtime series includes veteran actor William H. Macy, Joan Cusack, and Emmy Rossum. Burke who is an out lesbian will be playing Roberta who is described as a foulmouthed and eccentric lesbian. She will be the love interest of Monica Gallagher (the ex-wife of William H. Macy's character on the show).

I love the fact that she is in reality an out African-American lesbian. And I love the fact that she will be portraying a lesbian on a popular TV show. Lord knows we need more representation of positive black same-gender loving people on the screen. But above all this, I love the fact that Burke is an advocate for the LGBT community. According to the Advocate, "Burke is involved with a variety of LGBT organizations, including the Los Angeles–based Women on a Roll and Cornerstone Outreach."

According to Burke, “One would think that of all people, the black community as a whole would be more understanding and supportive of civil rights and the equality of all people. The only way we are going to make huge strides is when we have the support of straight black people and our churches. Our heterosexual friends and family members need to stick up for us and be proud of their LGBT relatives, who include doctors, teachers, coworkers, police officers.” She goes on and says, "Black churches have some obligation to advocate for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community, especially since it preaches that God is love and created us all in his image."

Homophobia in Professional Sports

2011-06-20T07:56:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow night at UGIMA (United Gay Informed Men of African-descent) we will be visited by Hairat Agbaje of the Phoenix Suns/ Phoenix Mercury who will talk with us about the exciting upcoming season of the Mighty Mercury and fill us in on the various opportunities that are available if you’re interested in attending any games.

Following Agbaje’s presentation we will immediately go into our topic for the evening – homophobia in professional sports. The recent array of mixed messages were receiving from the NBA has created an interesting dialogue that is happening around the country. What role can LGBT individuals have in professional sports? Do you have be closeted to be successful? When homophobia rears its ugly head - should a league address it or ignore it and pretend like it doesn't exist?

Kobe Bryant was recently fined 100,000 for using a homophobic slur on the same day that Grant Hill was creating a public service announcement that painted the NBA as an LGBT inclusive organization. Several days later Joakim Noah would make the same homophobic slur in a game.

A few years ago the very first NBA player would come out as openly gay. Shortly after retirement and on the verge of releasing his autobiography, John Amaechi announced to the world that he was a gay man. Tim Hardaway’s reaction was swift and point blank. Hardaway’s reply to Amaechi was “You know, I hate gay people, so let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

Please join us as we address homophobia in the arena of professional sports. Would the decision to come out for an athlete be career suicide? Do sports organizations (i.e. NBA, WNBA, NFL, Major League Baseball) have a responsibility to support out LGBT individuals? Is it okay for a transgender individual to compete in an all female sport? These questions have many searching for answers that have political correctness and empathy for all involved.

Big Freedia - The Queen of Bounce

2011-06-12T12:56:00.000-07:00

I'm still celebrating Pride Month and Black Music Month. I love being black and gay. And love celebrating everything that emcompasses both, celebrates both, and elevates both. If you are a fan of bounce music then you need to know about the "sissy" artists that are taking this genre to the next level. Bounce music a.k.a. Booty Music is a product of th Dirty South. It originated in New Orleans and some of the biggest names in Hip Hop made it to the top with Bounce Music.

Meet Big Freedia . . .

Big Freedia and other sissy artists like Sissy Noby and Katey Red are claiming their spot in the world of Bounce Music. Having grown up in the South myself I know how deeply rooted this music is. It's wonderful to now see LGBT artists picking up the mic and putting their own unique twist on this phenomenon. There's something wonderful happening in New Orleans and nobody down there cares that these artists are gay. Their music is great and people are just enjoying what they're hearing and not spending any time focused on the sexual orientation of the artist.

I swear I can't hear this music without bobbing my head and shaking my ass. And that's a good thing. Unfortunately we still have a whole lotta people hating on Bounce music. It's often referred to as Ghetto and I gonna assume that supposed to be a bad thing (cause there are some great things that come out of the ghetto). If you look at the videos you will find lots of girls scantily dressed and dancing prevocatively but seriously isn't that something that we condemn on each new generation. I will continue to support Bounce music. Now that I've discovered Big Freedia and other same gender loving artists within this genre of music I will love it even more.

Check out more Big Freedia here . . .

LGBT Month and Black Music Month - What Should You Do?

2011-06-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

Most people within the LGBT community are aware that June is Gay Pride month. Many people are unaware of this but June is also Black music month. Do these celebrations have to be done exclusive of each other? No, I don't think so. This is the perfect opportunity for us to focus on the interesting intersections where these two different paths collide.

There are two documentaries that immediately come to mind that allow one to enjoy African-American music and simulatenously vast in the same-gender loving experience. Pick Up the Mic and U People are two wonderful films that I encourage everyone to check out.

PICK UP THE MIC

Pick Up the Mic is fantastic. It is a film that explores the world of gay hip-hop. Yes I said it. GAY. HIP HOP. Two words that many assume should never go together. What I find so spectacular about the film is its ability to touch on so many issues that are universal to the LGBT experience. This film touches on trans issues, LGBT youth suicide, and social stigma. But the primary reason you should watch this film is for the amazing music these individuals are creating.

U People

What can I say - this film was simply unbelievable. A group of black same-gender loving women came together at a brownstone in Brooklyn to shoot a music video. What came of this was a documentary that everyone should see. This documentary is the result of magical moment that just so happened to be captured on film. These beautiful, creative, successful women came together to shoot a video for Hanifah Walidah and some brilliant person decided to capture the entire experience on film. The result is an interesting kalieascope of characters and stories and relationships that is a must see.

To all - Happy Pride Month and Happy Black Music month. Please take the time to pick up a copy of either or both of these films. I promise you will not be disappointed.

Basketball Player Comes Out

2011-05-17T06:46:00.000-07:00

I thought National Coming Out Day happened in October. This is the third big coming out story this week and it's only Tuesday. First, the President of the Phoenix Suns comes out. Then CNN host Don Lemmon comes out. Now - former Villanova basketball player, Will Sheridan, comes out of the closet. I feel like the sun is shining just a little bit brighter today.

Happy Birthday B-Slade

2011-05-16T23:16:00.000-07:00

He has one ofthe greatest voices I've ever heard come out of a man. I remember the first time I ever heard the name "Tonex." I was watching Showtime at the Apollo. If you've ever seen the show you know it doesn't come on 'til like midnight. Anywho, someone introduced this young, new brother that was making waves in the gospel community. This man with long, flowing locks stepped up to the mic and started singing, "you are my personal Jesus . . ."

To say I was floored would be an understatement. This man could sang like nobody's business. I was so amazed by his voice that I immediately got up off the sofa, got dressed and went to the nearest 24 hour Walmart with the hopes that they might be carrying the CD by the phenomenal young man I had just witnessed.

Imagine the joy I felt when I learned that Tonex (after several very successful gospel albums) came out of the closet. To the shock of many within the faith community, after professing he was homosexual he refused to walk away from the Lord. Tonex stated he would continue to praise His name. Tonex would not let other people deny him God.

I loved this. I have to admit (growing up in Alabama which is in the heart of the Bible Belt) I was repeated told that homosexuality was an abomination. I realized I was gay at a very young age so imagine the identity issues I had when I realized I was the person my pastor was referring to.

It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that God loved me unconditionally. Being Gay is how God made me and I refuse to deny who I am just to make others comfortable. So I enjoy seeing others who are comfortable in who they are and do not allow themselves to be defined by others. Tonex is one of those individuals.

Now going my the name B. Slade in an effort to reach a new demographic, this man is still making phenomenal music. B. Slade is gay. B. Slade loves God. And because of these things B. Slade is a hero to me.

Today, May 16, is B. Slade's birthday so I want to scream loudly - Happy Birthday B. Slade. I admire you and I wish you many more years of success.

Below is Tonex singing one of my all time favorite songs . . . Restoration.

Lesbian Couple Wants Dream Wedding

2011-04-29T13:26:00.000-07:00

So I just read this terrific article over at The Advocate. Theresa Thacker and Heather Thomason are competing in the Crate and Barrel Ultimate Dream Wedding contest. I was just too excited to learn about this African-American same-gender loving couple being out and proud and putting themselves out there like this. The two currently reside in Douglasville, Georgia and get this - combined they are the parents of fourteen (14) kids.

The reason they decided to enter the competition was simple. They love each other very much and would like to get married in April 2012, the second year anniversary from the date that they met. However, the job of being parents to 14 can be very expensive and they do not have the money to have their dream wedding.

The two met online and Theresa (the mom of nine adoptive kids) just knew Heather would runaway screaming when she learned about the number of kids she had. On the contrary Heather would prove to be more supportive that Theresa ever expected. According to Theresa, “Heather takes care of me and ensures I don't lose sight of the fact that I am more than a mom of nine kids.”

Please cast your vote for the two of them to have their dream wedding here.

Kobe Bryant Homophobic?

2011-04-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

Kobe Bryant is being hit with a $100,000 fine for making a homophobic slur. Is this right? I don't like the guy, I really don't. But when I heard about this big of a fine being imposed I almost had sympathy for him. Then I watched the video.

I don't know if Kobe is homophobic or not. I do not believe the slur used in this instance was being used in a homophobic manner. I think he was angry (he does have a short temper)and I think he resorted to inappropriate words to act out his anger.

Should he be fined this large amount for his short fuse? Absolutely. Everybody knows that words have power and actions have consequences. What Kobe did (if ignored by the NBA) would have sent out the message that its okay to use this word in times of anger. And the bottom line is this - its never okay to use this word.

It's also a weird issue of timing for the NBA. As the video below points out, this happens on the same day that that the league is trying to create the message that the NBA is a "gay friendly" place. If they had not taken action against Kobe, the video done by Grant Hill would have been made in vain.

So Kobe - watch your mouth. And know that when your act out, get angry, or go unchecked, there will be consequences and repurcussions. And at this moment the consequence is $100,000 out of your pocket.

Dear Mama . . .

2011-04-14T18:16:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my mom, Ms. Linda Louis Green. Today my mom turns 61. Not sure if I've ever shared the story of how I came out to my mom. Picture it - Frisco City, Alabama, 1995. I was at home visiting with my mom. I would be home for several days and she was making a list of things she wanted me to do while she would be at work the next day. Mama had met my boyfriend several days earlier but I had not yet disclosed the nature of the relationship I had with this guy. I only introduced him as "my friend."

As we were sitting at the kitchen table my mom started making a list of my next day duties. She started with, "first I want you to pay the light bill and if you could then go and pay my cable bill."

At this point I interrupted with, "I need to give Eddie a phone call."

Her response, "Who is Eddie?"

I replied, "He's the guy you meet a couple of days ago."

My mom continues, "Oh okay . . . I need you to go by the bank and make a deposit for me. Put this money in my checkings account and put this in my savings."

So I interrupted again, "Mama, Eddie and I have been dating for about a year now."

Her reply, "Who is Eddie?"

Again I say, "He's the guy you met a couple of days ago"

My mom, "Oh okay . . . and then I need you to go to the Post Office.

Me, "Mama did you hear what I just said. Me and Eddie are a couple."

Mama, "Yeah - okay."

Me, "Do you have anything to say."

Mama, "I don't know what to say. Are you happy? Cause if you're happy then I'm happy."

I remember this conversation so well because it had such a profound influence I how I would live my life. The unconditional love and support of family has a way of giving you immeasurable self-esteem. If she had expressed some disappointment of disapproval I'm not sure what I would have done. I do know this - once I had my mom's acceptance, I really didn't give a damn about what anyone else in the world thought about my being gay.

Mama - I am who am because of you. I love you and I pray that you're having a terrific birthday. I wish I could be there with you.

2011-04-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

Last night I had an opportunity to the check out the Student of Color Organizing Conference here in Phoenix. Sponsored by GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network), this event was created for people of color that are LGBT high school students or allies. It was open for attendance by any student interested in becoming a community organizer. I naturally get excited about any event held for LGBT people of color and gave the local GLSEN a phone call to offer my assistance in anyway. Although I would not be apart of any of the training or learning of the day, I was able to participate in the best part, the closing dinner.

Yes, it was fun to walk in just as the food was being served but that was not why this was the best part. I say this was the best time because it was during the dinner that all the students that attended had an opportunity to share. Individuals around the room stood and shared what they learned during the event, what they will take away from the event, and what they will do now as a result of the event. All of the students on hand talked about how phenomenal the experience was. It was a pleasure for me to hear this because I’ll be the first to admit, I’d been getting a bit afraid of what the future holds for the LGBT community, specifically for LGBT communities of color. I was under the impression that the only thing young queer kids today are thinking about are Beyonce, fashion and serving attitude. Every time I think I hear something almost profound by one of the many youth I periodically encounter, it always seems to be followed by a “BITCH!”

I left the conference a bit more encouraged about the future of my community. These kids were smart, articulate, socially conscience and talented. Following the dinner the kids had a chance to take part in an “open mic” if they were so inclined to participate. Several kids shared their own poetry and one young kid braved the mic (inspite of his obvious nerves) and sang.

Following the dinner I had an opportunity to network with some of the folks of GLSEN (from the local chapter and from the national chapter), some phenomenal individuals from the ACLU and a couple of great folks from P-FLAG. It was great being able to hold real conversations about relevant issues. I always find it taxing when I'm trying to talk to someone and the only thing they're able to discuss at length is what's happening on Top Model or American Idol.

I’m riding on an emotional high following this conference. I personally want to thank the GLSEN organizers for creating a safe place for LGBT students of color. They enjoyed it and they learned a lot. lso I enjoyed it and I’m a bit more hopeful as a result.

Goodbye Shangela Laquifa Wadley

2011-03-30T23:08:00.000-07:00

Okay - so I'm always a bit late when it comes to my RuPaul's Drag Race info. I don't actually get a chance to watch the show on the night it airs. I always go to the Logo website and catch up on the show a couple of days later. For season 3, I have seriously been pulling for my girl Shangela to go on and capture the title of America's Next Great Drag Queen. She was an underdog from the beginning. She has been doing drag for just over a year. When you look at her short tenure as a female impersonator and compare it to the experience of the other girls she was competing against, it was painfully obvious that a victory on her part would be nothing short of a miracle.

But I believe in miracles and I believed in Shangela. She has a terrific personality - hallelu. She was beautiful as a girl. And she seemed just determined enough to be able to pull it off. But there were just too many obstacles in her way. Having been involved in the drag game for such a short time she has not had time to perfect some of the crafts needed to be successful in the drag race.

Let's break it down. She was lacking in several very imporant areas. She never perfected applying make-up. That was probably her biggest falling. Putting on your face is the most important thing a boy in a dress needs to be able to do. It's not easy and it does take some time to develop this talent. She has not been doing this long enough to get it down pat.

Shangela was also not as handy with a needle and thread as some of the others girls in the contest. Now don't get it twisted, I was throughly blown away by some of the costumes and creations she was able to come up with on the show. But it did seem that her best designs were only possible because she had help from her friends on the show.

Finally, I don't think Shangela mastered one final drag queen basic. Wigs 101. A queen must be able to take a dollar store wig and magically transform it into a something even Repunzel would be envious of. But again she has not been doing this long enough to really compete with the Heathers in the house.

For a moment it did look like she was becoming like Skylar from the show Heroes. His power was stealing super powers from others. I thought Shangela had wonderful charisma. The reason she stayed around as long as she did was because she was able to "steal" ideas, help ( and probably a dress or two) from others on the show. But alas it was not meant to be. On this weeks show Shangela was once again in the bottom two and this time she had to sashay away. I bid you a fond farewell and I wish you much success.

Andrew Cooley: I Admire You

2011-03-29T13:00:00.000-07:00

I just read this exciting story in The Advocate. Andrew Cooley was serving as deputy to the sheriff in Forrest County, Mississippi and was fired because of sexual orientation. Cooley, knowing that the basis of his termination was unjust and down right wrong, decided to fight back. With the help of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), Cooley would embark on a legal battle with the hope of reclaiming his dignity and his job. And fortunately, because Cooley and the ACLU were on the side of justice and fairness, the Sheriff's department has decided to settle outside of court and reinstate Andrew in his role as deputy.

According to the article, "Cooley's was the first case of its kind in the state -wherein an employee sued a public body for discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation." As a result of Cooley's action, the Forrest County Sheriff's department will be the first in the state to include a sexual orientation clause in its non-discriminatory policy.

The evolution of this case is very interesting. Cooley basically outed himself to the department when he called 911 last year. A victim of domestic violence from his then partner, he thought it would be safe to summon the police. The chief officer that responded to this initial 911 call told Cooley not to return to work until he spoke with his direct supervisor. He was fired the next day.

I just want to say kudos to Andrew for not sitting back and allowing this department to get away with discrminative behavior. It would have been very easy to sit back and do nothing. In fact many would have probably blamed themselves and thought it was okay to be terminated after being outed. Well it is not okay to be fired simply because you're gay. And everyone should feel safe going to the police when in jeopardy and there should be no fear of retaliation or undue recourse. Andrew Cooley, you are a role model for all of the LGBT community. I'm hoping we see more people standing up for themselves like you.

What Would Baldin Think of Same Sex Marriage

2011-03-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

Interesting question posed by one of my favorite blogs. Son of Baldwin just delivered a terrific video of James Baldwin all rowled up at a question & answer session. If you take a moment to take a look at the clip you can't really understand what the question is that ws asked, but his answer is just James once again speaking power to truth. Thank you for the post and thank you for never forgetting Mr. Baldwin. You can get into the video here.

The Voice! Will It Be Bigger Than Idol?

2011-03-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

Why am I only now hearing about The Voice? Apparently The Voice will launch this fall on NBC and it is their attempt to jump on the bandwagon of singing competitions. I'm loving the idea behind this show. The celebrity judges include several of my favorites - pop diva Ms. Christina Aguilera, the new king of all funk Cee-Lo Green, one of the sexiest white men alive Adam Levine, and the country artist with the most intense eyes on the planet Blake Shelton

I'll admit I am a bit intrigued by the concept of the show. The judges will not get to see the contestants while they audition. They will have their backs to the performers as they sing and they must decide whether they like the contestant based on nothing but their voice. But is it just me, or do you find it interesting that these judges were picked to judge people based strictly on their singing abilities when . . . well just look at them in the pics I've included.

I already know I'll be watching this when it comes out. I mean seriously - Christina, Cee-Lo and Adam Levine on the same show. I really do love them and inspite of their images, these are really some of the most talented people in the music business. This is a must watch for the judges alone. So I'm pulling for this to be a success. X-tina has the greatest sets of pipes since pre-crack Whitney. I could listen to her all day but let's be serious, would she be as successful as she is if that golden voice did not come in such a beautiful package?

Cee-Lo Green (solo or with Gnarls Barkley) has been responsible for some of the funkiest and baddest music we've heard from anyone in a while. I was so pulling for The Song Also Known As Forget You to win Best Song on this years Academy Awards. His song Crazy was in such heavy rotation in my house that I almost left my husband. Really - I almost snapped. I had one of those, "if you play that song one mo' time" moments. But seriously the song was great.

Mr. Levine (as the lead singer of Maroon 5) has given me some of the most soulful music I've heard from a blue-eyed crooner in many a moon. But everytime I hear him sing I think about this picture on the left and I love him just that much more. So although he is talented, it is the way he looks that draws me and many of his fans back to his music over and over again. All of these judges (Blake Shelton included) have relied on their looks to help with their careers. And it is their looks that is going to help with the success of The Voice.

I do have my concerns about the show. It will be hosted by Carson Daily who can be funny at times (and can be not so funny at times). Also this show may be coming out at the wrong time. American Idol has already started and its already down to the thirteen finalists and everyone will soon be invested in that show. And I'm gonna be real - the hype surrounding Simon Cowell's X-Factor cannot be denied. All eyes (mine included) are wondering what Simon has up his sleeve.

I've always been a fan of singing competitions (I've been one since the days of Star Search) and I'm pulling for The Voice. But I'm also excited to see what X-Factor is going to bring. Thus far everything touched by Cee-Lo and Christina and Adam Levine have turned to gold for me so I think they could make something magical happen on this show. But the charm and charisma of these folks could cancel each other out and the show could be a big old flop. We'll know soon.

Better Days: A Tribute To All Grandmothers

2011-03-17T11:35:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine just recently lost his grandmother. Jeremy (Jay) had been keeping me in the loop of his grandmother's health progress - from dementia to a cancer diagnosis to a transition to hospice. Then he dropped by my desk earlier this week to share with me that she passed away. Her failing health had already seemed to take its toll on him and it saddened me to learn that she had now been taken out of his life.

As I was driving to work today this song which I haven't heard in years came on the radio. The video above is that song, it is Better Days by Dianne Reeves. As it played I couldn't help but to think of Jay and the grief and loss he and his family are currently experiencing. The lyrics forced me to think of my own paternal grandmother who played such an important part in my growth and my development.

I am who I am today because of Lucy Pettaway-Green. She was beautiful and smart and determined and unyielding and relentless and witty. Since both my mom and dad worked, my twin brother and I were often left in the hands of this person who loved us and cared for us unconditionally (and we never minded it one bit). She would instill in us a love of God, respect for self, and tolerance and acceptance of all of our fellow man. She taught us the value of a good education and lived by the "it takes a village" mentalilty. Honesty and integrity were her redeeming qualities. I know my desire to live a truthful and authentic life is my effort to walk a path that would be acceptable in her eyes. My current moral compass is a direct result of the principles she ingrained in me.

So as I reflect on this song and my friend Jeremy and my own grandmother, I want to take a moment to acknowledge and thank all grandmothers (and grandfathers too) just in case you're unsure of the influence you're having. The world would be a darker more hostile place if you were not around to share your love and your wisdom and your humor and your time with those little ones who look up to you sooooo much. You probably are not ever aware of how important a role you're playing in creating our future parents, teachers and leaders.

Jeremy - you and your family are in my prayers. To everyone that has lost a grandparent, I hope with time your wounds have healed and you now only have fond, pleasant memories. And for those that are still blessed to have a grandparent in your life, please show them how much you appreciate them today because tomorrow is promised to no one.

Tucson Artist Needs Our Support

2011-03-08T12:22:00.001-08:00

An artist from Arizona is in need of our support to make her picture the winner of a National Geographic photo contest. The Exceptional Experiences contest is down to the final six contestants and Jamara Sky Knight is currently in second place. Let's do we what we can to put her over the top. You must log into the National Geographic site (found here) and you must create an account if you don't have one if you would like to vote. The registration is very simple and it is so worth the time to support this artist, this picture and this story.

Tamara currently lives in Tucson with her partner. Her picture Dust Dance was taken while in Tanzania. She made her trip to Africa to help children orphaned by the HIV/ AIDS epidemic. She received a grant, collected used cameras, and taught photography these kids infected and affected by this disease that is ravishing the entire African continent.

I personally fell in love with the picture the moment I saw it. Just take a look at the faces of the kids she's captured on film. Inspite of their circumstances, these children are filled with smiles. Inspiration and optimism bursts out of the image. I have cast my vote and I am asking if you would cast yours too for Jamara.

If you would like to see more pics from her visit, please go here. These images were on display at the University of Arizona. They're simply amazing.

Please visit here Facebook page dedicated to this contest here.

I Heart Kamala Harris

2011-03-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

Kamala Harris, Attorney General for the great state of California, has requested that the state immediately reinstate same-sex marriages. This requests comes on the heels of President Obama announcig that his administrationwill not be defending DOMA in the courts. The brief was filed today with the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.

According to Harris, “both by the United States Attorney General’s conclusion that classifications based on sexual orientation cannot survive constitutional scrutiny and by this Court’s certification order to the California Supreme Court, which seriously questions the Court’s jurisdiction to decide the merits of the case.”

Harris defended her action by stating that Prop 8 proponents will not suffer any harm or injury should gay couples be allowed to marry. According to the Advocate, Harris has been a long time champion of same-gender marriage equality.

In her plea to the court, she states, "For 845 days, Proposition 8 has denied equality under law to gay and lesbian couples,” Harris said in her statement. “Each and every one of those days, same-sex couples have been denied their right to convene loved ones and friends to celebrate marriages sanctioned and protected by California law. Each one of those days, loved ones have been lost, opportunities have been missed, and justice has been denied.”

You can read her full letter to the court here.

Can You Pray the Gay Away?

2011-02-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday in Phoenix, a local chuch decided to do its part in ridding the world of gays and lesbians. The Church for the Nations partnered with Exodus Internation and held a conference to "cure" homosexuality. According to sources on site at the conference there were over a hundred people in attendance.

The most revolting thing I heard about this conference is the number of kids who were forced to attend. Now I don't want to condemn or express hatred towards these parents as I'm sure some of them are honestly confused about this and may actually have good intentions. Parents generally want whats best for their kids and let's be honest, when you take into account the social stigma (harassment & bullying) and institutional homophobia (legal employment discrimination, the federal Defense of Marriage Act) the world is not always friendly toward members of the LGBT community. I'm sure many parents (and actually many gay folks themselves) would choose to live a life free of discrimination and bias. Take away the gay and you take away something that many people are going to hate you for.

But we need to focus on two certain inalienable facts that this conference and all in the ex-gay movement tend to forget. First - homosexuality is not a choice. And second - Christ never condemned homosexuality. The organizers of Exodus Internation have made themselves the deciding factor on what is moral and right. They have created an agenda not generated on fact but rooted in their beliefs. Nothing wrong with that per say, the basic foundation of the church is living a life based on faith (evidence unseen). But here's the problem, and it's been the problem I've found repeatedly in institutions of faith, people are using their beliefs to preach hatred, spread intolerance and wreck lives.

I've been told since I was a kid that homosexuality is a sin. This "sin" is based on the one line in Leviticas that man shall not lie with man as with a woman. Jesus Christ himself never condemned nor ever spoke about homosexuality. His basic message was this, love God and love your fellow man. But for some reason preachers still resort to Leviticas. So I'm a bit confused. If I'm a sinner for my homosexuality, does that make people that wear polyesther sinners? Leviticas also states that men shall not wear clothes of mixed fabrics. Are people that eat shrimp sinners? Leviticas also states that men shall not eat shellfish. But I won't digress. The hypocrisy of the church will always astound me. I am however tired of the condemnation of the LGBT community especially since it is contributing to lowered self-esteem, questions about self-worth, issues with guilt and shame and tendencies toward suicide.

Luckily there were two local LGBT organizations on-site to protest the practices of this organization. Chris Hall of C.A.R.E. (Central Arizona Rainbow Equality) and Meg Sneed of H.E.R.O. (Human and Equality Rights Organizers) actually attended the conference while many of their parnters stood outside and protested. I want to commend these individuals for their actions. Those outside rallied about the ignorance of such and event and those inside gathered knowledge and tried to provide resources for those LGBT individuals that were there involuntarily.

I do know this, years of research by psychologist have determined two things about gay conversion practices. First and foremost, they don't work. Second, these practices can cause harm. Donnie McClurkin, probably one of the countries most famous ex-gays has stated that his desire to have sex with men has not gone away, but he no longer acts on them. Oh really Donnie, doesn't that mean that you're still a homosexual? A person that is cured from their homosexuality should no longer have attractions to the same gender. A person that refrains from having sex is abstinent not "cured." Theres a difference.

Gay is what I am. You can not get rid of my gayness just like you cannot get rid of my blackness, my height, or my brown eyes. I can purchase contact lenses and change my eye color, in essence hiding who I am, but the reality is this - I still have brown eyes. So you cannot pray the gay away. What should be done is embracing the person with unconditional love and encouragement and a support system that will allow him/ her to succeed inspite of the obstacles the world is going to throw at them.

My prayer for those young people struggling with homosexuality is this: May God grant you love. May God grant you self acceptance and peace. May God grant the world understanding of same-gender attraction. And may God rid the world of hatred.

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T22:23:00.000-08:00

The OUTside of Relationships Season 1 Episode1: Falling

The OUTside of Relationships Myspace Video

I love Quincy and Deondray and it's obvious they love each other. Ithink they have words that need to be heard for Valentine's Day. The topic of this video was fallin in love and I think they're so exactly right on everything they say.

10 Secrets for a Lasting Relationship

2011-02-13T22:08:00.001-08:00

With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching I figured I would do a special post for those in relationships, working towards a relationship, or desperately wondering why they’re not in a relationship. Last month marked fifteen fabulous years I’ve shared with my partner. I keep hearing from my single friends (and good God there are a lot of them) about how difficult it is to find and keep a mate. So on the eve of Valentine’s day I feel I need to offer this challenge to those struggling to find their “happily ever after.” Maybe the problem is you.

I keep hearing the same arguments over and over and over again: “He just wasn’t my type.” “The dating pool is so shallow here.” “All men are dogs.” It may be time to do some personal reflections because the problems do always lie externally. Remember, the only common denominator in all those bad relationships have been YOU! And I don’t want you to take this offensively. I am in no way trying to be judgmental or sarcastic. I am sincerely trying to offer helpful advice that could point you towards a relationship that is mutually beneficial, fun and long-lasting.

Unfortunately I’ve witnessed friends repeatedly make awful relationship decisions. Now I know what works for one person does not necessarily work for the next. But there are some truths that are just universal and I feel apply to almost all couples.

So below are some notes from me that I hope will help you in your quest for the love of your life. These are my laws of relationships that all should abide by. I hope you find them helpful.

Law 1. Relationships are not based on sex alone. I have quite a few friends that are meeting their “dates” on hook-up sites. Oftentimes they meet on Adam4Adam or Craigslist and their initial face-to-face contact is exclusively to have sex. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that. It is important to have a healthy sexual release. But be a realist. Know that a hook up is just that - a hook up. And for those that really do enjoy courting and dating, in the beginning the sex usually is phenomenal. As time goes on, the limerace disappears and the sex may not happen as often. This is the normal progression of a relationship. This is not a sign that it is time to flee.

Law 2. There is no happily ever after. Far too often I have witnessed friends dismiss potential partners after just one disagreement. And usually it is over something petty, trivial or just plain stupid. I mean really – is it worth leaving someone great just because he/ she didn’t replace the roll of toilet paper. In all relationships there is going to be some discourse. The only way to stand the test of time will be to reflect on how you react in the rough times. I’m not saying you need to stay in an abusive relationship, but I am saying that you will never find someone you agree from now through eternity.

Law 3. If you were miserable before your relationship then you will be miserable in your relationship. Many people long for the perfect relationship because they think it will end whatever unhappiness or depression they are experiencing in their life. I have some really shocking news I have to share with you. You will never find happiness by looking for it outside of yourself. As much as I love Anita Baker’s You Bring Me Joy, that joy is only fulfilling if you already have self love. Having a special person in your life is not going to make you happy if you cannot make yourself happy. I hate to be the one that disappoints you but that’s just the way it is.

Law 4. The perfect mate does not exist. Don’t expect to change your partner into what you want them to be. Don’t think that with your help you can make him/ her into a better person. You must love and accept your partner as is – flaws and all. This is a tricky law because it is still very important that you know what your boundaries are. You cannot expect to love a person long term that doesn’t respect you and your boundaries. If smoking cigarettes is deal breaker for you then why in the world would you think can make a smoker “the one.” There is a difference between boundaries and preferences and people often mistake the two. Know your boundaries and if you enter into a relationship with a person that does not adhere to them that is more a bad reflection on you than on your mate. Your significant other will never live up to all the things that you want in a partner. Be able to love him/her as is.

Law 5. It is okay to have separate interests. My boo loves computer gaming. If he could he would marry his computer. I really don’t get it. I’ve tried playing World Of Warcraft and it held my interest for all of thirty seconds. I have an ungodly almost supernatural love of music. NeoSoul/ R&B. Hip-Hop. Pop. Even country. My partner could care less about new music Tuesdays but each week I have to check billboard.com to find out which artists are releasing something new. I don’t harass him about his computer time and he doesn’t bother me about my CD collection. And we have found a way to meet in the middle. I love all comic movies (X-Men, Fantastic 4, Spiderman, etc). Now we have discovered Comicon and we can both have our geek tendencies fed together at one event.

Law 6. Common Values are a Must. Different interests are one thing but different values are a totally separate subject. One thing I’ll agree with my old pastor on is this - “you must be equally yoked.” That means that the core values, principles and morals of one partner must be shared by the other. Let’s be real, a Christian and a crackhead trying to make it work just aren’t going to go the distance. A person that values monogamy is not going to last long term with a person that is interested in an open relationship. You must have a moral center equal to that of your partner.

Law 7. Don’t Always Take Advice From Your Friends. As much as I think this is a no brainer, this is really one of the biggest culprits in ending relationships. I want to know how is it that my friends, most of whom are single, feel they are equipped with the knowledge to save my relationship. Now if you’re talking to someone that is in a successful long term relationship and may actually know a little something about how to make one work, by all means listen. But oftentimes your friends speak from their own viewpoint. Just because they would react a certain way in a situation does not mean that is the way you should react in a relationship. Do what works for you and what feels right for you.

Law 8. Keep People Out of Your Business. For many this rule ties closely with the last rule (regarding your friends). You know how people say “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” That should apply to what happens between you and your partner also. If there is trouble in your home and you need external help, go to a professional. There is nothing wrong with seeing a couple’s counselor. But be weary of sharing all the intimate, personal details of your relationship with others close to you. The reality is people do not always have your best interest in mind. Misery really does love company.

Law 9. Allow your partner room to grow. As I stated earlier, Chris and I have been together for fifteen. I am not the same person I was fifteen years ago. He is not the same person he was fifteen years ago. Change is a necessary part of life and as your partner evolves you need to give them the space they need to become the person they are destined to be. With patience, love, acceptance, respect and communication, everyone involved can have personal development that helps (not hinders) the relationship.

Law 10. Don’t Take Your Partner For Granted. It takes two people to make a relationship (or three or more if you’re into that). The point is, you cannot always be “me” focused if you want your relationship to last long term. Sometimes you need to give your mate the attention they need. Do something to show your affection. You will be surprised at how far a spontaneous massage or breakfast in bed or an unexpected gift can go. Do something to show your partner that you care.

I hope this advice helps someone. These rules have worked for me and I really think if you apply them in your relationship they will work for you also. But I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t know everything. So if you have any additional tidbits that can help someone in their relationship, please feel free to share.

My Fitness Journal

2011-02-13T19:31:00.000-08:00

Over a week ago my significant other signed us up for a gym membership at Lifetime Fitness. I finally made it in to talk with the membership advisor Friday night. Chris didn't exaggerate - this gym really is amazing. This place is like the cadillac of gyms. Jason - my membership advisor signed me up for a health assessment today.

At 11:00 AM I walked into Lifetime Fitness ready to find out where I currently stand and what I need to do to accomplish my goals. As I drove over I had to ask myself, do I really need a professional to tell me how fat I am? But I proceeded anyway. There was some good news and some bad news. Turns out I weigh about twenty pounds less than I thought. I won't tell you how much I weight, I'll just say this, my scale at home only goes up to 250. That was the good news. The not so good news was that according to my results my body age is 47. My body age is almost a decade older than my real age.

So its time to put in some work. I have to get my body age to match (or beat) my real age. I know I can do better. I don't drink water, I mean at all. My daily fluids include soda and coffee. That ends effective immediately. I actually changed my diet over a week ago thanks to my friend Marla. She works with me and has helped me modify how much and what I eat. This was a recent change but lets see how long we can sustain it. And finally - it's time to get moving. I have a desk job so I get almost no physical activity in my life. It'll be up to me to take advantage of the equipment and the classes that Lifetime Fitness has.

I'm gonna need prayer and support and encouragement as I go forward. I know I have friends that will be rooting for me. My partner used to be physical trainer so I know I have what I need at home to keep me focused. So here we go . . .

National Black AIDS Awareness Day

2011-02-07T21:30:00.000-08:00

In case you didn't know it, today (February 7) is National Black HIV/ AIDS Awareness Day. It is a day when many cities will host events that address HIV and its impact on the African-American community. For those that are unaware, Black folks only make up twelve percent of this country but we make up half of all new HIV cases. It is unfortunate but we are the new face of HIV for the U.S.

HIV is listed as the number one cause of death for African-Americans between the ages of 25 and 49. And the trend over the last few years has been toward an increase in numbers (not a decrease as we would like to see). Somehow we are missing the message. HIV, a preventable disease, is on the rise.

It is estimated that about twenty-five percent of those individuals that are HIV positive are unaware of their status. This means that they are unknowlingly contributing to the transmission of the virus. This is why it is so important for us to get tested. Knowing your status is the all important first step. Knowing your status means you get yourself the treatment you need if you are positive. Knowing your status means you respect yourself and your partners. And knowing your step means that you are doing your part to eliminate HIV transmission.

I still vividly remember my very first HIV test. It was 1993 and I was at the Pike County Health Department in Troy, Alabama. Looking back I had really not engaged in any risky behaviour at the time but during this period any sex was considered risky sex. In the early 90s there was no such thing as a rapid test. You had to wait two weeks before your results came back. Two very drooling weeks. Fourteen of the most painful, heart wrenching, mind numbing days of my life. When your two weeks were up you had to call the office to get your results. I had already heard how things would go. If all was well they would give you the results over the phone. However, if you were told you needed to come into the office, then this was a very bad sign.

Exactly two weeks later I called the clinic to find out my results. As my granny used to say, "I was nervous as a whore in church." I gave my name to the person that answered the phone and my heart stopped at her reply. "Jason, were going to need you to call us back tomorrow or come to the office tomorrow." I honestly didn't know how to respond to that. I couldn't think. All I could do was say "Okay." The following day I drove down to the office only to be told that "all is well. You're test came back negative." Turns out my results were not in yet on the first day that I called.

Almost two decades later and I have to say this disease has changed so much. The lifespan of individuals infected has changed. The resources available to positive individuals has changed. And the community affected has changed. However, for those individuals that still refuse to get tested and ignore all the data available about HIV - if you choose to remain ignorant, you will be infected/ affected exactly like those we lost in the 80s (back when we knew almost nothing). So I encourage to to get in the know to take care of yourself, your family and your friends.

Get informed. Get involved. Get tested.

Learning Our History

2011-02-02T04:50:00.000-08:00

Who says the future looks bleak for the LGBT community? My faith in the young people of our community is being affirmed more and more everyday. The teenagers in this video took the time to sit down with some more mature individuals from our community to learn their stories.

I think this video is sooo powerful. I love the fact that two different generations have come together to create such a beautiful and educational narrative about LGBT life. One of teens in this video said it perfectly. "There is no class on gay life so if you want to learn anything you have to go to the source."

Because the LGBT community was invisible for so long, now that there has been an emergence of gay culture, we do now need to document our history. We need to learn what it was like for our community members back when it was unlawful, immoral and even psychologically inappropriate to be same gender loving.

Great job to all involved in this project. Please continue to keep up the good work. More stuff like this is needed for the community.

It's Our Anniversary

2011-01-30T03:21:00.000-08:00

I met my partner fifteen years ago today. Wow - crazy huh? We don't really celebrate this as our anniversary. We actually celebrate March 15 as our anniversary as that was the date we had our committment ceremony. But I think the date we met is still an important milestone that needs to be remembered. So to Christopher James Stevens - Happy Day I Met You Anniversary!

Picture it. Troy Univeristy. 1996. Sigma Chi fraternity was having their rush week and this would be their first big party for the semester. I am a brother of Phi Beta Sigma fratnernity and had never attended a rush party for a predomintely white greek organization. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. But I had a friend that wanted to pledge and he didn't want to go to the party alone. So (in an effort of support) off I went to attend a Sigma Chi party.

It was exactly what I was expecting. Lots of drinking. Lots of boy on girl action and stupid fraternity craziness. Being gay and not being a drunk - I ended up standing in the hallway all evening talking with the one Sigma Chi brother that seemed to be able to hold a real conversation. I had no clue whatsoever that this frat boy played on my team. I did not get that vibe from him. But nonetheless I still enjoyed spending most of the evening with him. Then the next day I got a phone call from him (which was weird considering I never gave him my phone number). Apparently he went to one of his brothers to find out who I came with, then he tracked down my buddy that waned to pledge and asked for my number. Although this projected some of his stalker tendencies, I was still a bit impressed. And here we are fifteen years later - still together.

I have to tell you this - I love being in a relationship with this man. I love coming home to a man that I find beautiful, kind, and intelligent. He is supportive - and this alone is a heavy burden as I am involved in so many different things. He is encouraging - I don't think I would have ever finished my first book if he wasn't always harrassing me with "how's your book coming?" And I really appreciate the fact that he is not demanding or high maintenance.

I won't pretend that every moment with him has been wonderful. As with any relationship, there is the good and the bad. But for some reason neither of us has gone running during the bad. I'm not really sure why that is. Many people I know end their "relationship" after the first argument. I've never really understood that because you will never find a person that you are in complete agreement with 100% of the time. If you do find this person - either you're masking your feelings or they are masking theirs. No two people will ever be on total accord.

I sometimes wonder if we're still together because we had great relationship role models. Chris' parents are still together. Lee and Carol Stevens are still very happily married after all these years and they really seem to like each others company. My parents, Linda and Eugene Green, were together until the day we lost my dad to lung cancer. I've seen them happy and I've seen then sad. I've seen them fighting and I've seen them make up. But no matter what - they were always there for each other. So we both grew up in homes where we witnessed successful relationships and we know that "happily ever after" doesn't really exist.

Looking back over the many years we've been together I can't help but think about that song by Paul Jones. The lyrics basically said, "I've had some good days. I've had some hills to climb. I've had some weary days and some sleepless nights. But when look around and I think things over, all of my good days outweigh my days so I won't complain."

My good days with Chris far outweigh the bad. I know we've had fights before but honestly they are so few and far between that they've become irrelevent. And I am not one of those people that tries to remember what happened in a fight so I can use it as a weapon later.

So at this moment, fifteen years after the day we met, I think I'll keep him. He makes me laugh which is very important. He's got my back no matter what and he's proved this over and over again. I can talk with him about anything (I'm very much an introvert so many of my conversations actually happen in my head -but when I need to talk he is there). And I still consider him one of the sexiest people I know.

So again to Chris - Happy Day I Met You Anniversary. I'm anxiously looking ahead for fifteen more great years.

Invisible Heroes: A Black History Month Program

2011-01-30T02:27:00.000-08:00

The Invisible Heroes celebration will be a different type of Black History Month program in that the individuals recognized are ones we don't traditionally see in history books or at other Black History month events. Invisible Heroes will recognize several same-gender loving African-Americns for their accomplishments. For this first of its kind celebration (for Phoenix) - those individuals will include Emile Griffith, Octavia Butler, James Baldwin, Pat Parker, Bayard Rustin and Barbara Jordan.

It is unfortunate that the great works of many lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) black folks went unnoticed because they were not successfully embraced by either community to which they belonged. Traditionally the black community has not accepted or embraced gay and lesbian folks. And racism within the LGBT community has seemingly produced a parallel affect by ignoring the contributions of its brown and black members.

But inspite of the odds the individuals being recognized did not allow racism or homophobia to stop their agenda. These individuals ignored the glass ceilings. These individuals kicked down closet doors. These individual pursued their dreams passionately and they deserve to be honored for making their mark in this world. All of their stories are inspirational.

This years event will honor a politician, a civil rights activist, a poet, an author and an athlete. Emile Griffith was one of the greatest boxers ever and would become a six time world champion. Octavia Butler has written countless science-fiction novels and was the first sci-fi writer to receive the McArthur Foundation Genius Grant. The contributions of James Baldwin and Bayard Rustin to the African-American civil rights movement are immeasurable (one would serve as the voice of this generation and the other would become a mentor to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr). The poetry of Pat Parker is radical, timeless, moving and motivational. And Barbara Jordan (one of the greatest orators ever) would become the first Black woman from the South elected to the U.S. Congress.

Why are these individuals invisible? Why are their stories not more commoplace? Are their achievements only significant to those other individuals that walk simultaneously between two different communities? Do you have to black AND gay to be inspired by them? These individuals should serve as heroes to all and hopefully the Invisible Heroes Celebration will shine some well deserved light on them.

The Invisible Heroes Celebration will be held at the One Voice Community Center (725 W. Indian School Road) in Phoenix, Arizona. It will be from 6:00 - 7:30 PM on Tuesday, February 1.

Hell Yeah I'm Gay

2011-01-16T21:28:00.000-08:00

I am so in love with this song. I'm not exactly sure who these girls are or where they came from but this song is off da hook. The hook is just so damn catchy. I've now watched it about six times in a row and now I'm forcing myself to walk away from the computer. But before I do I just have to say for all to know . . ."hell yeah I'm gay and I don't care what people say!"

The ABCs of Coming Out

2011-01-07T15:18:00.000-08:00

Well it's finally done. I have completed my first book. This has been a work in progress for a couple of years now and the process is now complete. I'm pretty active in community and I have meet many wonderful individuals on my journey. Unfortunately I have heard far too many coming out horror stories along the way. My friend Raymond shared with me how his family kicked him out of the house and refused to have any communication with him after his church [he was Jehovah's Witness] excommunicated him. My friend Paul told me how his father beat him mercilessly after learning he had a crush on another boy. I've heard countless tales of people that have lost their jobs because they were gay.

I wrote this book because of those stories. I don't want another individual to have to endure the pain and suffering that can result from coming out. Coming out should not yield isolation and depression. Coming out should not make you want to take your life because of the shame or guilt. On the contrary, it should bring you closer to friends and family; and it should give you a sense of freedom and pride. Coming out should be a personal revelation that allows you to walk in truth knowing that you are being honest with who you are.

For those that have doubts or fears about diclosing your sexual orientation, The ABCs of Coming Out offers advice on how to prepare for the conversation, things you need to know prior to disclosure, and possible consequences (and ways to avoid them) following disclosure.

Coming out was one of the greatest things I have ever done. It is only because of coming out that I have been able to enjoy fifteen years with my wonderful partner. I have a terrific relationship with my friends and family based on trust and mutual respect. And I am able to navigate through this world (at work, in church, and through the community) with the knowledge that I don't have to lie about or hide who I am.

I want my LGBT brothers and sisters to experience the same joy that coming out has done for me. My hope is that this book could be used as a vessel to get to that place where you are comfortable enough and strong enough to speak your truth. Coming out is freedom and I want everyone within the same-gender loving community to experience this freedom.

To purchase the ABCs of Coming Out please go here. The ABCs is also is available at Changing Hands Bookstore (6428 S. McClintock Drive, Tempe AZ 85283) and at Off Chute Too (4115 N. 7th Avenue, Phoenix, AZ 85013).

Marsha Ambrosius - Far Away

2011-01-06T18:43:00.000-08:00

Wow!!! That's all I can say is wow. Has anyone else seen the new video by Marsha Ambrosius. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE watch it above. Ambrosius (formerly one half of the British neo-soul duet Floetry) just made one of the most powerful videos I've seen in a mighty long while. "Far Away" is Marsha's way of lending her voice to bring attention to LGBT bullying and suicides.

In my last post I spoke about LGBT artists that we need to support, but apparently you don't have to be a member of the gay community to make a profound musical statement that can help gay and lesbian individuals. Marsha proves this in the "Far Away" video which is part public service announcement, part love story but all beautiful, soulful and spellbinding.

I've loved Marsha Ambrosius for years. I loved her in Floetry and even had the wonderful opportunity to see her in concert twice. I was wondering what would become of that angelic voice once the group went defunct. Well it's great to learn that she is still on the music scene writing wonderful songs for other artists (she has penned hits for Michael Jackson, Alicia Keys and Jazmine Sullivan) and working on her own solo project.

Her first single from her upcoming project was "I Hope She Cheats on You." I played it so much my friends had to host an intervention. The song was catchy and fun and had a nice hook. Ambrosius totally surprised me by releasing this as her second single. I think its a risky choice because is running the chance of alienating some of her fans but she is sending a message that needs to be heard by all.

Kudos to Marsha Ambrosius. Loved you in Floetry. Loved your first single. I now worship you because of the video to your second single. And I can't wait to hear what your album sounds like. I will be in the store on week one to show my love. Late Nights and Early Mornings by Marsha Ambrosius will be in stores February 11.

Black and Gay in Music

2011-01-04T21:28:00.000-08:00

Can an African-American recording artist be out and successful? That is the question. There are many phenomenally talented black gay singers and rappers who are out. Some started their rise to the top and then came out of the closet (i.e. Donnie, Tonex, or the artist seen in the video above Rahsaan Patterson). Some artists are out from the start (Tori Fixx or Meshell N'Degeochello) and attempt to launch their career without regard to the stigmas attached to being gay and being a person of color.

It appears to me that their are many that are buying into this notion that you can not be black & gay AND be creative, talented, successful and relevent. Teven Campbell had one of the most beautiful voices in the world but when the news about his sexuality made national news we never heard from him again.

Thank God that we are now witnessing an era of artists that are playing by their own rules. Meshell N’Degeochello continues to make wonderful music and continues to sale records. Tonex (now going by the name B. Slade) came out of the closet running and he hasn't slowed down since. He refuses to hide silently in the shadows like many of his former gospel colleages would like. Tori Fixx is setting the world on fire as an out black hip hop artist with alot to say and he is finding wonderful ways to say it. Billy Porter has the greatest voice ever. Nhojj is simply beautiful and he has a voice like an angel.

We as black gay individuals need to be supporting these individuals. Call your urban radio show and request for these artists to be played. Go to your local music store [if you still have one] and purchase one of their CDs. Or go to I-tunes or Amazon and legally purchase some of their songs. All of the individuals listed above are phenomenally gifted and are extremely smooth on the ears. Take some time to get to know them and their music.

AZ Grants Domestic Partner Benefits to Same-sex Couples

2011-01-03T21:49:00.000-08:00

Today I was speaking to a friend who happens to work for the state of Arizona. He was really excited because the state has decided that it will grant same sex domestic partner benefits to its employees. I was floored. Could the state that seems to be moving the country backwards with regards to race relations be doing the right thing for the LGBT community?

Then the conversation continued and I was floored again. Apparently there are many people that work for the state that are angered by Arizona's new actions. It seems that although this priviledge is being extended to same gender loving couples that work for the state, heterosexual couples will not be allowed to take advantage of this benefit.

So now I'm torn. It this right or wrong? As a gay man who has been in a relationship with my partner for fifteen years I am thrilled to learn that this benefit will do a small part in granting us benefits we are not entitled to because we are not allowed to legally marry. But on the other hand is okay to deny straight couples a similar benefit? They do, afterall, have the ability to "tie the knot" if they really want the benefit.

I don't work for the state so the decision will not affect me one way or the other. I'm fortunate enough to work in the corporate world for an employer to recognizes and values its LGBT employees and really does promote and celebrate diversity. But I have many friends that are employed by Arizona. Some are going to love this new plan. Others are going to lose health care for their significan others because of this decision. So I'm looking for feedback from others, is this the right thing to do?

RuPaul's Drag Race - Season 3

2011-01-02T19:47:00.001-08:00

Watch Gay Video & Lesbian Movies

I can't wait for this to begin. Who knew Ru would come back and be as fierce as ever. I was hesitant about watching season one but I was hooked from the first episode. The right girls made it to the top and I would have been happy for Raven or Bebe to be crowned but it would be the diva from Cameroon (Bebe Zahara Benet) that took the title.

Season two was equally as thrilling. I must admit that I didn't really care for the other Tyra when the show began. If you've seen the show then you know, she was a bitch. But you can't deny the fact that she always looked phenomenal when they made it to the runway. She did deserve to win this season.

Now I can't wait to see what season 3 brings us.

Farewell 2010, Hello 2011

2010-12-31T18:36:00.001-08:00

2010 has been a very interesting year with many wonderful highs and some very dreadful lows. As I begin my reflection on 2010 I'll start with the many wonderful things that I saw happen this year. First and foremost, I spent another 365 days with my beautiful, kind and generous husband. He is truly a blessing in my life. Chris Stevens I love you sooo much.

The home we share together was the result of a gift from some very special friends of ours. The Peace family (my in-laws) have been generous to a fault to my partner and I and we are forever in their debt. I constantly hear people talk about how generosity and kindess no longer exist. Well I'm here to tell you that there are people in this world that still have big hearts. There are people in this world that still do the right thing. And there are people in this world that will still give you the shirt off their back. I know some of those people.

This year I witnessed my mom turn 60 years old. I flew home and my brother and I organized a surprise party for her. Not only was I able to witness her celebration first hand, I was also able to reconnect with some members of my family that I haven't seen in years. I have a huge family. My mama is one of 16 kids and I still to this day don't know how my grandma kept a sane mind with that many kids running around the house. But I love them all - uncles, aunts, cousins, and 2nd cousins. And I won't even pretend like I know them all cause when you have 15 aunts and uncles it is very easy for you to lose track of how many cousins you actually have.

This year I also saw the completion of my first book - The ABCs of Coming Out. This was a big deal for me. I have several books I have been working on that have been floating about in my head over the past few years. However, since procrastination is my middle name, none of these projects ever came to past. Don't ask me how this one finally made it to paper but I'm extremely proud of it.

In an interesting turn of events I re-connected with my ex this year. Finding people from your past is one of the most powerful things about social networks. For some odd reason I decided to look him up on Facebook. We have not spoken to each other in over sixteen years and then suddenly there he was. I gave him a phone call and I'll be the first to admit this - the conversation was very surreal. I've only had two loves in my life and I've been with the second one for about fifteen years now. And although initally I was very nervous about speaking to him and several times had to question my motive for even making the contact, I am now happy that I did. The relationship did not end on good terms but the phone call was me extending the olive branch. I'm happy that the branch was accepted.

Unfortunately there are some moments of 2010 that I wish I could take back. I lost two friends this year. My friend Ted passed away this year. I met Ted through a really good friend Bernard. Ted was a beautiful man with a beautiful spirit. He was always laughing and he always had some kind words to share when you saw him. Although we lost him I know heaven gained another angel and I know he is dancing and laughing and smiling down on us right now.

Ivan was one of the very first members of my men's group UGIMA. Ivan was brilliant. He was one of those people you turned to when you needed answers to something. He was a wealth of resources and he did not mind sharing what he knew with anyone. There is an old proverb that basically says each death is like a library falling. As we say goodbye to Ivan I realize we've lost another library.

Also this year it seemed that LGBT suicides seemed to skyrocket. I honestly don't know if the numbers increased or if this is the first time the media actually gave us the information of the true numbers of kids that take their own lives. Whatever the case I was moved to tears to learn of the many individuals who are victims of bullying and violence. We will never know the burden these kids had to endure. I wrote this poem after reading one of the articles . .

Now I lay me down to die,
I pray the Lord my mom don't cry,
Should she find me when she awakes
but another day I could not take.

Now I lay this one last night,
Though some might say that this ain't right,
But I could not go another day,
Being beaten up because I'm gay.

My heart goes out to the family of all these kids. I won't pretend like I know what you're going through but I will say my heart and my prayers are with you.

I'm excited to look out at another year. I can't wait to experience the people, places and things that are revealed to me as the new year unfolds. What other faces from the past will I reconnect with? What amazing things will I personally accomplish this year? What's coming for my friends and family? I don't know about you but I am claiming peace, love and prosperity for 2011. Blessings to you and may your 2011 be all you want it to be.

Spotting someone on the Downlow?

2010-12-31T09:36:00.000-08:00

I know there are people that are going to say I should be offended by this but this is hilarious. This is comedian Freddie B giving the Top 5 reasons your man or your homeboy is on the down low. When I first hit play I had to brace myself - I really did think this was something that was going to make me mad. But by the end of the clip I was rolling. Why - because you have to admit their is some truth to what he's saying. By the way Freddie B - you look kinda sexy doing the bunny hop (no homo)!

Please check out the video below and tell me what you think . . .

THE GAME IS BACK!!!

2010-12-26T09:33:00.001-08:00

I just watched this terrific clip about the return of ony of my all-time favorite shows, The Game. Please get into the video here. For those that think racism doesn't exist in Hollywood did you see the clip. The Game, which had ratings that rivaled those of the CW's Gossip Girl was cancelled. There were only two shows which I never missed each week and those were Girlfriends and The Game. Then out of the blue the network decided to cancel them. Initially I thought it was all about the bottom line. I thought it was the green that decided which shows would stay or go. So how is it that one of the highest watched shows on the CW got pulled?

It wasn't the green. It was the black!!! I'm convinced their is a conspiracy to kill off any quality, successful African-American programming. Lets review the trend. The Game - cancelled. Girlfriends - cancelled. Half & Half - cancelled. These were shows which were axed during their peak. And unlike Friends or Seinfeld where it was the decision of the show to call it quits, in these cases it was the decision of the network not to carry them any longer.

Thank God for BET for successfully ressurrecting The Game. The show is back with the same cast, the same writers and the same production team. And if things go well, the same audience will be back to support this wonderful program. I gave up cable some time ago, but this definetly makes me think about picking it up again.

World AIDS Day

2010-12-01T22:46:00.000-08:00

Today is World AIDS Day. This evening I had the wonderful opportunity to attend a celebration hosted by Grace Lutheran Church. It's almost midnight and I really need to get to bed so I won't have the opportunity to write more until tomorrow. But until then I wanted to share the video I pieced together inspired by tonight's fellowship.

The New Black

2010-11-30T20:28:00.000-08:00

My personal role model and hero Bayard Rustin made the comment, "The barometer of where one is on human rights questions is no longer the black community, it's the gay community. Because it is the community which is most easily mistreated." However there are many within the African-American community that would not agree with Rustin's sentiments. Many black folks are offended by the efforts of the LGBT community to compare the contemporary gay rights struggle with the battle for African-American equality. As a member of both communities it is a question which I have pondered myself. As a historian I have to admit, there are definite parallels between the two communities.

Both communities have suffered from institutionalized (legal) inequality. For the African-American community it was separate but equal and Jim Crow laws. Black folks had to endure discrimination in the areas of housing, education and employment. As a black man or woman you had to sit on the back of the bus, enter a building through the back door and could not drink from a water fountain used by white people. For the LGBT community there is the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), Don't Ask Don't Tell, and employment discrimination. Same gender loving people cannot marry or serve in the military and in many states can be fired just because of who they love.

Both communities have been victims of spiritual abuse. Religious leaders have used the Bible to keep gay folks and black folks as second class citizens unworthy of equality. Many have used the curse of Ham to justify slavery and the indentured servitude of black folks. It was said that the verse "cursed be Canaan, a servant of servants shall be his bretheren" was God's condemnation of black folks. His punishment was their eternal laboring to whites. For the LGBT community, the story of Sodom and Gomorrah and the verse "man shall not lie with man as with woman" have been repeatedly used to turn gay folks into monsters and sinners. Interestingly enough, last week when I say Ma Rainey's Black Bottom (a play set in 1920s Chicago). In it they made the comment "God hates niggas." Nowadays I'm repeated bombarded with the notion that "God hates fags."

Both communities had to go through their own process to develop self-acceptance, self-love and even self-pride. Up until the civil rights movement there were many blacks that suffered from lowered self-esteem, lack of self-worth and even some self hatred. Marcus Garvey, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcolm X were essential in shifting the black mentality towards one that accepted that black is beautiful, black is intelligent and black is worhty of equality. The LGBT community too had to have a paradigm shift in its overall mentality. Same gender loving folks felt the need to exist as an invisible community and were labeled as having a mental disorder. Then during the revolutionary days of the 60s (a time when we saw women fighting for equality, the sexual revolution, and the anti-war struggle) we suddenly saw an emergence of a gay identity. Groups were popping up that refused to be silent about their sexuality. And then Stonewall happened which was the catalyst for greater gay visibility and activism, forcing the LGBT agenda to a national campaign.

"Say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud" was the mantra James Brown used to spread to the word to the world (black folks and white folks)that it was okay to accept and to love brown skinned folks. "I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it" was the phrased screamed at many gay parades to relay to the masses that same gender loving folks were out of the closet, in the streets and ready to fight for their equality.

The primary reason many black folks are quick to reprimand the gay community for the comparison is because they don't think it is fair to liken the struggles of black folks with the struggles of gay folks. Many don't think you can compare slavery, Jim Crow and lynchings to marriage equality and openly serving in the military. Well if you look at things that simplistically then I would have to agree, the comparison just isn't there. But things are never really that simple. We are still looking at a civil rights issue and I would even argue, we are still looking at a human rights issue.

Gay folks are still being killed just for being gay. There is no denying it. It is STILL happening today. And as long as we continue to deny the LGBT community the equality it deserves then we are telling people it is okay to treat this community as different, inferior and less than. People will continue to verbally harrass LGBT folks. People will continue to physically, mentally and spiritually abuse LGBT folks. And people will continue to kill LGBT folks. And no I am not exaggerating. Mattew Shephard was not the first nor was he the last person killed in this country for being gay.

For me this is bigger than comparing who has the worst story to tell. For me this is about "injustice anywhere." As a member of both communities I have to admit both sides have atrocities they can claim. Having studied both histories again I will say there are definite parallels between the two communities. But I won't get bogged down with the who had it worse debate. I will take pride in knowing their are black civil rights leaders that are a brilliant enough to be LGBT allies in the current struggle. And their are LGBT leaders that are bright enough to see that the gay community is indeed a rainbow and is strongest when it acknowledges and embraces all of its members.

Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

2010-11-29T19:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went and saw Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom based on the life of blues legend Gertrude Pridgett (aka Ma Rainey). I remember seeing the show once back in college. It was a student production and it must have been very forgettable because I had forgotten almost everything about this remarkable story. Ma Rainey was my kinda girl. Boldly black and unapolagetically lesbian. Nicknamed “Mother of the Blues,” Ma Rainey was one of those aggressive women that demanded respect and never allowed herself to be intimidated by anyone regardless of gender, color, or status. Women like her oftentimes earn an unwarranted nickname [rhymes with witch] for behavior that would be rewarded if she were a man.

Gender bias aside, the most prominent notion that repeated in my head as I drove home after the show was how much we have progressed with regards to race and how much we have regressed when it comes to sexuality. For Ma Rainey her sexuality was not an issue. She openly flaunted her love of women. In the play all the boys in the band knew she was same gender loving. In fact, after a new guy in the band started flirting with one of the ladies in Rainey’s entourage he was warned, “boy what are you doing, that’s Ma’s girl!” Ma Rainey would even eventually record some lesbian anthems like Prove It On Me and Bull Dykers Dream.

How is it that in the 1920s homophobia was not an issue for Ma Rainey? Today we are repeatedly reminded how homosexuality and homosexuals are detrimental to the world (i.e. Prop 8 and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell). However almost a century ago Rainey was out, proud and phenomenally successful. Today we have celebrities that refuse to come out because it could end their career but 100 years ago Rainey Ma Rainey told her studios when, where, how and what they would record.

I loved watching this woman on stage. She bowed down to no one. Even though her manager and the studio owner tried to “handle” her they were unsuccessful. And although there was no homophobia evident in this production the racial climate of the era came across loud and clear. This was the golden age of Jim Crow. Black men and women were subject to legal discrimination in the areas of housing, education and employment. I think some of the stories shared by the bandsmen on stage made many in the predominately white audience uncomfortable. Truth be told, most of the stories shared on stage made ME uncomfortable.

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom is filled with witty writing, thought provoking narratives and phenomenal music and if you ever have the opportunity to see it then you should defintely check it out. I won’t spoil the story by giving you the ending. But I will say this, when you meet an angry Black man please understand this – he probably has a reason for being angry.

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T00:07:00.000-08:00

One interesting thing about the holidays for many in the LGBT community, it either brings you great joy or outrageous, uncontrollable depression. Oftentimes that joy or pain we feel is a direct reflection of our relationships with friends and family. Because the holidays are a time to appreciate and fellowship with those individuals closest to you [friends and family], the absence of these people from your life could trigger a holiday that is probably best described in that great song by The Emotions, "What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas?" As much as I love this song I'll be the first to admit it, it is horrifically sad.

So what do you do when the holidays hit and you have no one significant to share special time with? When you're not near family and have no established friends [and let's be realists - for many it is hard to let down your walls and build trusting relationships with others] how do you avoid the dreaded lonely holiday blues?

Well here's the wonderful thing, there are several things you can do to stay out of this slump. One thing you could easily do (and actually feel very good about upon completion) is spend some time volunteering for worthwhile charities or organizations. Trust me, during the holiday season, there will be plenty of places where you could lend a hand. Homeless shelters, churches and food pantries are just some of the places where you could probably have a terrific impact. With the feel good sensation you will have after volunteering you won't have anytime to be depressed.

One possible option you may consider if you don't have people inviting you over for the holidays is to throw your own damn party. Believe me, during the holidays, you are not the only one walking around wondering how you are going to spend your time. There are others in this same boat. Opening the doors of your home to others [colleages and co-workers] would save you and others from the holidays blues.

One of the most productive things you may want to do during this season (especially in this economy) is pick up a part time job. Seasonal work is the perfect way to occupy your time, meet new people and simultaneously tackle any debt you may have accrued during this era of worldwide financial trouble. If you're sharing your time between two different employers you won't have time to feel sorry for yourself.

And please remember the "avoid the blues basics." First, please stay away from sad, depressing music. During the holidays this stuff is going to be everywhere. If you're not careful, just listening to the radio could bring about a burst of tears. Second, misery loves company. Stay away from already depressed, already negative people. They will enjoy seeing you feel as bad as they do. And finally do not be afraid to seek help. If you are not able to shake your depression yourself then see a professional. Therapy does wonders so please do not think that needing one is a sign of weakness or craziness. It is a sign of self-awareness and courage when you can take the steps needed to take care of and protect yourself.

Happy Veteran's Day

2010-11-11T21:38:00.000-08:00

Did you know that there was once a time when African-Americans were not allowed to serve alongside other soldiers in the Air Force? There was this belief (based on nothing) that the brain of black men was smaller than the brain of white men and that we did not have the mental capacity needed to pilot aircrafts or handle sophisticated military artillary. My undergraduate degree was in history and I still have to admit that college was mindblowing. There are so many "facts" I learned in high school that were just out right lies. And there are oh so many things that are interestingly enough omitted from the books.

In college I was able to learn about the not so pretty side of American history. Prior to my undergraduate studies I was never taught about the Tuskegee Experiment, the treatment of Asian-Americans during WWII, or the truth about the history of Native Americans.

So with today being Veteran's Day, I think this is the perfect time to honor and reflect upon a phenomenal group of soldiers - The Tuskegee Airmen. The Tuskegee Airmen were the first African-American military aviators in the U.S. During WWII these distinguished airmen were subject to harsh racism both inside and outside of the military. They trained at Tuskegee Institute and upon completion of their training they were not allowed to integrate into other Air Force units. However, these pilots still wanted to serve their country.

As WWII developed and their services were needed overseas they would eventually be deployed as bomber escorts. It was their duty to protect US bombers. As the bombers made their way behind enemy lines, escorts would fly alongside them to fight off any attack made on the bomber. It was their defense of the bomber that would pull any enemy attacker away so the bomber could successfully drop its bomb on its destined target. Initially many of the white bomber pilots verbally expressed their distrust, dislike and offense to seeing black bomber escorts arrive to aid them in their offense.

In an ironic twist the Tuskegee Airmen would become the only unit in the war to earn the distinct honor of never losing a bomber to enemy fire. Those white pilots that initally expressed their disdain towards their African-American peers would soon come to pray that the escort they receive would be the Tuskegee Airmen. The success of the Tuskegee Airmen would open the doors for racial integration in many different areas of the military.

I love hearing the story of the Tuskegee Airmen. No matter how many times I hear it I am inspired by it. I encourage anyone that has not seen the movie based on their story to go out and pick it up and watch it. It'd wonderful. During my graduate studies in history I actually visited the Tuskegee Institute and met some of the Tuskegee Airmen. I was awestruck being ble to sit and dialogue with living history.

So Happy Veteran's Day to all and a hearty thank you to all veterans - black, white, straight, gay, male, female, young and all. Thank you to my brothers Jeff and Mark Green who served in the U.S. Army. Thank you to my uncle Billy Welch for serving in the U.S. Air Force. Thank you to my father in law Lee Stevens and my brother in law David Peace for their service. And special thank you to all LGBT veterans who must serve in silence. I do not take this day for granted and I do appreciate all you do and all you have done.

It's Janet Damn It!!!

2010-11-10T12:18:00.001-08:00

If you know me you know I love me some Janet. If you have not yet, please check out her phenomenal performance in Tyler Perry's latest project For Colored Girls. Janet has always been vocal about her support and love of the LGBT community. And that's why the LGBT community is vocal about our love and support of her. We do love our divas and Janet is one diva that has the beauty, talent, charisma and relevence to constantly stay in forefront of the media's attention.

I went and saw For Colored Girls on opening night. I'm just gonna say it - this has already become my favorite Tyler Perry film. Loved it! Loved it! Loved it. But I'll be the first to warn you, this ain't no real good feel good kinda movie. This movie is deep and dark and will make you question your own breaking point. The full title of the stage play this is based on is For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Isn't Enough. Once you see this movie you'll understand the title. Sometimes people go through things where they feel their only option is suicide.

Many LGBT youth can identify with this feeling. The suicide rate for LGBT kids has always been unbelievable high but the recent number of suicides is taking this country into crisis mode. So I am not surprised that Janey, while on the talk show circuit promoting the new movie, schooled Larry King on The Trevor Project [the 24 hour hotline that provides an ear for LGBT kids in crisit]. If it were possible this video would make me love even more.

For Colored Girls

2010-11-08T20:08:00.000-08:00

So I went and saw Tyler Perry's For Colored Girls on opening night. I was hesitant as I purchased my ticket. Many that previewed the film were very harsh in their critiques. However, in spite of the words of the critics, I opted to make my way out to the theater last Friday. I had to, it is not that often you get to see this many phenomenal black actresses in one project. Loretta Divine, Whoopi Goldberg, Janet Jackson and Phylicia Rashad are the quintessential in African-American elite. And the new generation of divas represented by the likes of Kerry Washington, Aniki Noni Rose and Thandi Newton are holding their own in this project also.

I was very interested in seeing how Tyler would translate the poems from For Colored Girls into a motion picture. Can you really catch the attention of the audience when the characters routinely break into monologue? Well the answer is a resounding and unequivocal yes.

Everyone's performance was brilliant. The only difficult thing now is deciding who's performance was the most powerful. Kimberly Elise who endures more than any mother should? Thandi Newton who endures more than any child should? Aniki Noni Rose whose innocence is taken?

This will definely be going in my library once released on dvd. And when I encounter those that have not seen it yet I will take them by hand, make them take a seat, and tell them we can discuss this after you've seen it (cause you will want to discuss it after you've seen it).

Please go and support this film if you have not seen it yet. It is wonderful. I don't think you will be disappointed.

Why Does It Hurt So Bad?

2010-11-04T21:29:00.001-07:00

I am still feeling the pain of the election. I am not ashamed to admit that I was a tad bit optimistic. I really had this tickle in my stomach encouraging me and tell me that it was possible for Arizona to do the right think and rid itself of that idiot at the head of the state. Well low and behold here I sit several days later still dumbfounded that Jan Brewer will retain her seat as governor. I guess I should not be surprised. Arizona was, is and probably always will be a red state.

So why am I still in a stupor? Why am I now ready to pack my bags and get the hell up out of this godforsaken state? Why did this election hurt soooo badly? I've been reflecting on my feelings as of late and trying to determine why this election actually meant so much to me. Why would this election have the ability to determine if I would indeed stay in this state or not.

I really don't think its the fact that Jan Brewer is the governor that is the actual catalyst (well not directly). It is the meaning behind the fact that Brewer is governor. Jan Brewer remaining in the capital building means that most of the individuals in this state agree with her. Jan Brewer being governor means that majority of this state is either racist, homophobic or just plain dumb (or atleast it appears that way).

Now I'm really involved in the community. I know alot of people. And most of the people I know don't subscribe to any of the adjectives mentioned above. Most of the people I've come to know are great people. So I'm unsure as to whether I have been unconsciously surrounding myself with like minded people or that people are just being kind to my face (and they're ready to strip me of my rights behind my back). I really don't know what it is.

If we had rid ourselves of Brewer as governor I would have had some affirmation that there is hope for this place I call home. But alas it was not meant to be. There she sits and I'm brokenhearted. Prop 102 several years ago was an attack on the LGBT community and it passed. HB 1070 was an attack on the Latino community and it passed. This is the state that has taken away the right to teach ethnic studies in school. This is the state that allows individuals to carry guns in bars. And this is the state that is now trying to take citizenship away from individuals that are born in this country.

Booker T. Washington stated in his book Up From Slavery that you should "caste your buckets where you stand." By that he meant that you should take a stand where you are and fight for the changes you would like to see. I was very moved by those words when I read them almost twenty years ago. It has been the motto I've lived by for quite some time. But those words from Washington are being replaced by the words of Tina Turner, "I don't care whose wrong or right, I don't really want to fignt no more." I can't do it anymore. Why should I stay in a place where I'm not wanted?

Will I eventually come out of this depression? Hopefully. But the reality is that this election was a wake up call. This election gave me a reflection into the true mindset of many of the individuals around me. However, I refuse to assimilate. So what do I now?

Ricky Martin New Single:The Best Thing About Me

2010-10-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

Ricky Martin is getting ready to release a new single entitled The Best Thing About Me Is You. It features Joss Stone on the English version (the Spanish version features Natalia Jimenez). Don't get too excited, he has dedicated this song to me. I know, I know, I know what you're thinking - "but Ricky Martin doesn't even know you." That's okay - he's been singing sweet nothings to me for years even though he is unaware of my existance. And if all his previous songs were dedicated to me then why should this one be any different.

Ricky Martin came out of the closet last March, although in my mind we've been sleeping together for about five years now. He's now stated that his creativity has been really unleashed since coming out and he is preparing for a new album that should be released in early 2011. He has leaked a snippet of the new single and the artwork that will accompany it upon release.

I'm really pleased to hear this. I was under the impression that his coming out signaled the end of his recording career. I know he came out following his becoming a parent. Similar to Clay Aiken, he felt there was no way he could be a parent if he were not true to himself and to those around him. So he had to admit to the world that he is gay. For this I say kudos.

I'm excited that I have more Ricky Martin music to look forward to. And it makes me a bit more happy to be looking forward to an album by an out Ricky Martin. Please get into a sampe of the song here.

The President's message to LGBT Youth

2010-10-22T16:41:00.000-07:00

The President recently created his own video to be added to the It Gets Better campaign. I still love the fact that we have a Black president. I also still love the fact that we have a president that claims to be an ally of the LGBT community. However, I feel that his actions need to start aligning themselves a bit more with his statements. By creating this video he is doing just that. BUT, I feel with the recent action to appeal the recent decision that ended Don't Ask, Don't Tell, I again have to ask myself "Whose side you really on?" I'm so confused.

His message of LGBT youth can be found below.
Like all of you, I was shocked and saddened by the deaths of several young people who were bullied and taunted for being gay, and who ultimately took their own lives. As a parent of two daughters, it breaks my heart. It’s something that just shouldn’t happen in this country.

We’ve got to dispel the myth that bullying is just a normal rite of passage – that it’s some inevitable part of growing up. It’s not. We have an obligation to ensure that our schools are safe forall of our kids. And to every young person out there you need to know that if you’re in trouble, there are caring adults who can help.

I don’t know what it’s like to be picked on for being gay. But I do know what it’s like to grow up feeling that sometimes you don’t belong. It’s tough. And for a lot of kids, the sense of being alone or apart – I know can just wear on you. And when you’re teased or bullied, it can seem like somehow you brought it on yourself – for being different, or for not fitting in with everybody else.

But what I want to say is this. You are not alone. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t do anything to deserve being bullied. And there is a whole world waiting for you, filled with possibilities. There are people out there who love you and care about you just the way you are. And so, if you ever feel like because of bullying, because of what people are saying, that you’re getting down on yourself, you’ve got to make sure to reach out to people you trust. Whether it’s your parents, teachers, folks that you know care about you just the way you are. You’ve got to reach out to them, don’t feel like you’re in this by yourself.

The other thing you need to know is, things will get better. And more than that, with time you’re going to see that your differences are a source of pride and a source of strength. You’ll look back on the struggles you’ve faced with compassion and wisdom. And that’s not just going to serve you, but it will help you get involved and make this country a better place.
It will mean that you’ll be more likely to help fight discrimination – not just against LGBT Americans, but discrimination in all its forms. It means you’ll be more likely to understand personally and deeply why it’s so important that as adults we set an example in our own lives and that we treat everybody with respect. That we are able to see the world through other people’s eyes and stand in their shoes – that we never lose sight of what binds us together.

As a nation we’re founded on the belief that all of us are equal and each of us deserves the freedom to pursue our own version of happiness; to make the most of our talents; to speak our minds; to not fit in; most of all, to be true to ourselves. That’s the freedom that enriches all of us. That’s what America is all about. And every day, it gets better.

End of Don't Ask, Don't Tell

2010-10-17T08:17:00.000-07:00

Last week a federal judge out of California demanded the end of all military dischrages based on a person's sexual orientation. This basically means that we are now seeing an end of the twelve year Don't Ask, Don't Tell era. Soldiers and soldierettes, at least for a moment, no longer have to worry about investigations regarding their sexuality or discharges for being gay following years of devoted and loyal, hard work. This is great news isn't it? You would think. I thought it was great news until I learned that the Obama administration now says that the decision to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell should come from Congress.

Am I hearing this correctly? The President has always labeled himself an ally of the LGBT community (although many argue that he has not done anything to help our cause on the most important issues). Now that something has been done by this judge from California, will the President leave it alone and let the decision stand. Or will there be a push to get Congress to do more.

This judge has done more for the LGBT community with the stroke of a pen than President has done during his entire two year tenure. And it's saddening when I think that Barack had the power to do this himself. The president has (had) the power to sign an executive order that could have ended all military discharges that fell under DADT and he never did it.

I read somewhere [sorry this is from recollection and I can't site the article] that someone in Iraq was asked what this would mean for soldiers currently serving in the war. His response was basically that he didn't think anyone overseas knew about the decision. And even if they did, there were priorities like fighting the war and staying alive that trumped any decision to now come out while serving.

Moorehouse and Men in Dresses

2010-10-12T13:55:00.000-07:00

Last fall, Moorehouse College found itself in a bit of controversy when it announced a new dress code. The all-male institution of higher learning modified its dress code to prohibit its men from wearing female garments and make-up. Recently, Vibe magazine sat down to talk with one the Moorehouse men that triggered this dress code alteration.

Diamond Martin Pulin was a member of a group of students that called themselves the "Plastics." The Moorehouse Vice President of Student Services actually came out and made a statement specifically about the policy change and the group of men it was targeting. “We are talking about five students who are living a gay lifestyle that is leading them to dress a way we do not expect in Morehouse men.”

Since the whirlwind of hysteria surrounding the dresscode change, Pulin has since left Moorehouse and become a student of American InterContinenal University where is fashion marketing and design. According to him, "Moorehouse wasn't ready for me. “I’m about freedom of expression. I’m about being whomever you truly are inside. I came to Morehouse because of all the historical leaders that attended and impacted the world so heavily. You know, I really wanted to follow in their footsteps. I don’t think Morehouse believes that someone like me—someone who wears heels and dresses—can uphold that reputation. But they’re wrong.”

Personally I'm torn on this decision by Moorehouse. I do understand students wanting to express their creative side and they may not want to conform to generic, mundane [straight] standards forced upon them by a dress code that some may consider oppresive. However, Moorehouse is a school with a rich history of developing leaders that traces it's long history of success back to 1867. And though their policy may offend some, it is a policy that is reflected in most corporate offices. So is it wrong to demand its students to adhere to standards they will have to comply with when they enter the business world?

Please get into the full Vibe article here. And please give me your feedback. Is Moorehouse right or wrong in with their dress code?

Phoenix Pride Presents: Out Day at the Zoo

2010-10-10T21:00:00.000-07:00

Today's Out Day at the Zoo was phenomenal. Phoenix Pride hosted an essay contest and received hundreds of submissions but only six individuals were honored with the opportunity to share their coming out stories. Also, celebrities ANT (Celebrity Fit Club and Last Comic Standing) and Heather Matarazzo (The Princess Diaries and The L Word) were present and they shared their coming out stories.

The entire day was an emotional one. Prior to attending the Out Day event, I was joined at the zoo by my sister & brother-in-law and my niece. Lisa, David and I walked around the Phoenix Zoo while little Olivia oowed and awwed at the giraffes, the pink flamingos and the elephants. I haven't seen my niece in several weeks so it was a thrill to be able to spend a little time with them. We parted ways as I headed in to hear coming out stories and they took Olivia off to play in the pool. I'll tell you why I mention this later.

Coming out stories (well atleast the ones I heard today) are powerful, empowering and inspiring. I heard the story of a lady whose mom took her own life because she could not bear the thought of raising a same-gender loving child. I heard the story of transgender individual whose already difficult struggle of self-acceptance was manifested into a whirlwind of craziness. Her decision to transition genders was disclosed to all of her family without her permission by her vindictive ex-wife. I heard the story of a gender fluid individual that struggled with self identifying and shared that coming out will be a lifetime endeavor for her.

In the midst of the stories of isolation and disappointment, there were also the stories from our youth that give me hope. There was the story from young Donald Smith who was encouraged to come out thanks to having an out and proud gay mayor. He now serves his community by mentoring others. I also heard the story of a high school kid that is so comfortable with his sexuality that he doesn't care about acceptance from his peers. As we are just on the eve of a crisis of LGBT teen suicides, it was encouraging to hear stories like these.

I have to thank ANT and Heather, our on hand celebrities for being out and proud and sharing their stories. ANT said it best, "Our visibility is our greatest strength. If we are not seen we are insignificant. If we are seen we are significant." It is easier for people to hate what they do not know. So I applaud celebrities that come out of the celluloid closet and live their truth. Those that come out know that it could put their careers in jeopardy but they do so because living an authentic life is better than living a life full of lies.

At the end of the day I had to reflect on my journey since coming out. I have family that accepts me and loves me for who I am - gay and all. When I came out to my mom she told me, "if you're happy then I'm happy for you." I reflected on trek around the zoo earlier today with niece Olivia who loves her gay uncles. I love the fact that she is growing up in an environment where she is learning to love and accept and not hate and prejudge. I reflected on my own personal journey of self acceptance and I relish in the fact that the out person I am today is so much happier than the closeted person I was years ago.

I'm out in every aspect of my life - on the job, to my family, and to my church (when I do go). I'm here to tell you that being out is a wonderful thing. And I'm speaking from experience. Out is freedom. And that's what I want for all my LGBT brothers and sisters. So here's to freedom. For those that have not gotten there yet, I wish you well on your journey. Tomorrow is National Coming Out Day and if you have not taken that step yet this may be your chance. Take that step.

New Fave Song: Waiting All My Life

2010-10-06T22:36:00.000-07:00

I am really really LOVING this song. Thank you to LOLDarian.com for bringing it to our attention. We need to hear messages like this more often in our music . . .

First Mr Gay AZ U S of A: George "Geo" Johnson

2010-10-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

It's official - we now have a Mr. Gay Arizona US of A. Last night at BS West five individuals competed for the honor. But the person walking away the victor was George Johnson, known to many of his friends simply as Geo. The competition was fierce and all of the contestants brought their "A" game. There were three categories: interview, club wear and talent. The only two categories available for the public to view were the later two.

The night was filled with entertainment from some of the greatest drag performers in town. There were many familiar faces in the crowd cheering on their favorite contestants. But at the end of the night there could only be one winner. As the judges began to announce the winners of each category a hush fell on the room. "The winner of the interview competition - contestant number two, George." Applause filled the place. Then came "and the winner of the club wear competition, contestant number two, George." Thought he would not take the talent segment, most of the room knew just after these first two announcements that he had already captured the title.

Congratulations to our first ever Mr. Gay Arizona US of A. I know that you will represent us well at the national competition.

In a surprise announcement last night from the current Mr. Gay US of A (Simba) who was in town to oversee the competition, because of the level of talent he witnessed, Arizona will be the first state to send three contestants to the national competition. So congratulations to all three contestants that will be representing Arizona.

Though he did not take the talent segment I still think his talent number may have been a favorite of many in the room. Take a look at the picture above and you be the judge. The number was well choreographed and it showcased the awesome figures of George and his backup dancers. It was sensual and exciting and it had a whole lot of people up on their feet screaming for more.

AIDS Walk 2010

2010-10-04T16:37:00.000-07:00

Did you know that although Black folks make up only 12% of the US population, we are half of all new HIV infections. Something about that just ain't right. How is it possible that black folks (straight and gay) can be such a small part of the country but such a large part of HIV? Something needs to be done about that.

Sunday morning Phoenix came together to once again take steps (literally) to eradicate HIV. The AIDS walk was attended by thousands. Some that walked are living with the virus. Some that walked did so in support of lost loved ones. Everyone that walked have been affected by this disease.

I have lost family (my uncle) and countless friends to this disease. It breaks my heart everytime some tells me they have been infected. Because of my volunteer efforts in the field of HIV/AIDS people oftentimes disclose their status to me. Trust me, I know it is an honor for someone to have enough trust and respect in me to share this and I will never betray that trust. And though I know that HIV is not the life threatening disease it once was, it does still yield health complications, emotional and mental health concerns and an unwavering social stigma that won't go away. So my heart still goes out to the newly infected and I want them to know that 1) it gets easier and 2) you've still go a friend in me.

The Phoenix AIDS was (as it usually is) a powerful and spiritual experience. I always leave it empowered and encouraged. Though we have not found a cure yet, AIDS Walk has pledged to be here every year until there is one. Here's hoping we see the end of AIDS Walk very soon. Please check out my video of the event below . . .

Wisdom From The West

2010-10-04T15:24:00.000-07:00

Saturday evening I was thrilled to be able to attend a lecture by the phenomenally brilliant Dr. Cornel West. His visit to Phoenix was strictly to address SB 1070, the Arizona Immigration Law that has the entire country focused on our state. In a standing room only auditorium at North High School, Dr. West spoke on how important it is for everyone to stand in solidarity with our Latino brothers and sisters in ending this dispicable law. He also assured the progressive constituents of Arizona that inspite of the image the media is painting, we are in the right and we have many allies around the country cheering for us and ready to come to Arizona and stand with us in this fight.

Dr. West's ability to inspire an audience while simultaneously infusing references to George Clinton and the P Funk, Sly and the Family Stone, and other R&B greats is amazing. At the end of his lecture as everyone stood to their feet in applause I wasn't sure if I should take my notes and exit or light a blunt and pass it. The man just has a way with words.

Considering my feelings towards Arizona as of late, this was inspirational news for me, a guy that is growing sick of living here. When I hear things like 70% of the state is in favor of the immigration law or that governor Jan Brewer is the likely person to win November's election, it makes me want to pack my bags and get the hell up out of here. Did his words make me change my mind and want to stay . . . well no, they didn't have that kind of power. But none the less, they were still inspiring.

One of the most amazing parts of the evening for me happened almost at the conclusion of the event. Each member of the panel gave their closing statements and Mr. West was the last to speak. He spoke of the importance of all communities of color to come together to fight for inclusion and equality. He then opened his comment to include the LGBT community. He spoke of the homophobia of this country that has recently caused several teenagers to take their own lives. After hearing that I knew I had to go and meet him when this was over. I felt compelled to thank him as a member of the same-gender loving community for that sentiment. He said this in a room full of black and brown people that needed to hear this.

Dr. West once said, "You can't lead the people if you don't love the people. And you can't save the people if you don't serve the people." Cornell is a man that loves the people (all people) and serves the people. He and the panel of individuals that spoke Saturday did a phenomenal job debunking all the lies were hearing from the media. I have a feeling this will not be our last time seeing him. He promised he would return with others to help us carry out this fight.

Rainbow Festival Was A Blast

2010-10-04T14:54:00.000-07:00

In spite of the god awful Phoenix heat, I still managed to throughly enjoy myself at this weekend's Rainbow Festival. It was the perfect way to roll in LGBT history month. There are some friends that I have that only get to see twice a year (once at Pride and then again Rainbow Fest). Please enjoy some of the pics from the day . . .

LGBT History Month Jump's Off

2010-10-02T07:42:00.000-07:00

October is LGBT History Month and for Phoenix, AZ it started with a bang. This weekend the city will be hosting it's annual Rainbow Festival, a two day celebration downtown marked with vendors, entertainment, and lots of gay folks (it's like a mini Pride). Well, as a jump off to the weekend, The Men of Libra hosted a party at the new Club Sutra.

I'm not generally a club person. Don't get it twisted, I can head bang with the best of them, but as you age your priorities seem to change and my need to hang out til the weeeee hours of the morning just doesn't appeal to me anymore. But in honor of the Rainbow Fest and LGBT History Month (and since Kevin of the Men of Libra is a very close friend of mine) I decided to brave the night and get this month started right.

Needless to say the night did not disappoint. The bar gave me the three things I needed in order to call it a good night - great drinks, good music and hot boys. Club Sutra (formerly Incognito) has a great vibe about it. It was all about dancing and having a good time, no inflated egos or wannabe socialites to destroy the energy of the place. And though I don't venture into the night life of Phoenix often, Sutra makes me want to increase my frequency just a little.

I'm looking forward to what the festivities of today will bring. My stint at Rainbow Fest will end early because I need to go see Cornel West speak at North High School. Though I love my partying, opportunities to see someone of the caliber of Mr. West don't come around that often.

So I'm off. Let's see what the day has in store . . . Oh by the way, click here to see more pics from last night and Happy LGBT History Month.

No More Down Low TV

2010-09-29T21:04:00.000-07:00

Say what? Is this for real? This is the most exciting thing about the Fall television line up I've seen (right after No Ordinary Family). And though it may be online instead TV, I'm soooo looking forward to this. Now I don't think I have to tell you this but I'm gonna say it anyway, PLEASE SUPPORT THIS SHOW. It is made by us and for us and if we don't watch it then it will go away. Next year we'll still be sitting around crying "there's nothing out there for gay folks of color."

Well gay folks of color, here it is . . .

Keith Hamilton Cobb Comes Out

2010-09-29T20:38:00.001-07:00

I'm surprised and excited and a bit puzzled about this announcement. I received an email from a friend (thanks Rod for keeping me in the loop) that Keith Hamilton Cobb has come out of the closet. Cobb is probably best known to most as the uber masculine Tyr Anasazi on the sci-fi series Andromeda. He is known to most readers of this blog as the boyfriend of the leading character in the second and final season of Logo's Noah's Arc. So as I'm doing a little background checking, I find the post from socybery.com (see it here) that makes this bold claim about Mr. Cobb. What's interesting to me is that the post is dated April 11 of this year.

My spider senses started tingling as I read this article. I'm wondering why was this written in April but I'm just learning about this five months later. I've narrowed this down to several possible assumptions. First, it could be that this bit of news (which I consider very interesting and almost juicy) is just untrue. The story could be fabricated. Or, it could be assumed that Cobb's star power has dimmed quite a bit and his relevence in Hollywood is just not there anymore. But even D list celebrities get media attention if their sexuality comes into question. And finally, it could just be that news about any thing black and gay is just not news for most. It is only interesting to others that are black AND gay.

I personally hope this is true. Lord knows we need more positive, affluent, and out members of the African-American community. As more black same gender loving people live authentic lives, and they live those lives openly, we will start to transition away from a culture of homophobia and intolerance and move toward being a community that is inclusive and loving. And I pray for the day when that happens.

Immigration Bill May Help LGBT Immigrants

2010-09-29T20:18:00.000-07:00

According to The Advocate, a new bill that will be introduced to the Senate this week is expected to include help for some members of the LGBT community. According to news being shared from the office of Sen. Robert Menendez of New Jersey, the immigration bill that their senator is introducing will include language for same-gender loving individuals.

“We fully expect that the Menendez comprehensive immigration reform bill will be inclusive of the Uniting American Families Act,” said Steve Ralls, director of communications for the pro-LGBT Immigration Equality. UAFA would allow American citizens and permanent residents to sponsor their same-sex partners for residency. “We have been in constant communication with Senator Menendez’s staff to ensure that the legislation will include lesbian and gay families,” Ralls added.

For me, this is very exciting news. I personally know several couples that have been in long term relationships where one of the partners is an immigrant. Now if these were straight couples this would not be an issue. They could get married and live happily ever after. Unfortunately as members of the LGBT community we are denied the right to marry and therefore are not afforded this luxury. As a result my friends have had to overcome some relationship burdening, legally taxing obstacles so that they can stay together. I don't think that's fair and I don't think that's constitutional.

So hopefully this bill will be LGBT inclusive and hopefully it will see its way to becoming law. If that happens I (and many of my friends) will release a collective sigh and dance a jig because it will definitely be a step in the right direction.

Re: Eddie Long

2010-09-29T20:12:00.000-07:00

I just don't think I can add anything else to this . . .

Noah's Song

2010-09-09T05:08:00.000-07:00

Say what? Daryl Stephens (aka Noah) is now giving the singing thing a try. Thank you so much to Rod2.0 for bringing this interesting bit of news to our attention. According to Rod, Stephens has penned the lyrics, composed the music and sang on his first song "Envious Moon." For me Stephens can do no wrong. And after listening to his song I am still sticking with that sentiment. I really like it. Looking at the comments on Rods page I've noticed that there are already haters out there just all to eager to tear someone else down. When I hear one them compose and record a song then I'll give their opinion a second though but until then . . . kick rocks bitches. Daryl is a tremendous talent. Great actor, beautiful model, and tremendous advocaete for the LGBT community and the HIV community. Now he can add crooner to the resume. Get into the song here.

2010-09-09T04:37:00.000-07:00

I've always stated how much I love the current mayor of New York, David Patterson. Now I have another reason to continue to name him greatest governor ever. Today Gov. Patterson signed into law the Dignity for All Students Law. The new law is an antibully bill aimed at making schools safe for students.

Gov. Patterson stated "Every student has the right to a safe and civil educational environment, but far too often young people are ruthlessly targeted by bullies. Bullying and harassment have disrupted the education of too many young people, and we in government have a responsibility to do our part to create learning environments that help our children prosper."

The law will not take effect until 2012 but once in action it will ban harassment and discrimination under several different classifications, including, but not limited to, the student's actual or perceived "race, color, weight, national origin, ethnic group, religion, religious practice, disability, sexual orientation, gender or sex."

Hopefully the passage of this legislation will help make schools of New York a better place for LGBT kids. Last year we had two eleven year old kids take their own life to they would not have to endure anti-gay harrasment from their peers. Stories like that are disheartening but all too real and occur way too often. No child should have to suffer through situations like these and schools should do more to create an environment free of this behaviour. Laws like this will help.

Governor Patterson has a tremondous track record of doing things to help the LGBT community. Although some of his most tremendous efforts have proven unsuccesful (like his push to bring same-gender marriage to his state) you have to applaud his courage to bring unpopular issues to forefront of New York politics. Kudos to Patterson and kudos on this law.

Usher Attacked by Drag Quuens

2010-08-25T11:41:00.001-07:00

Okay, so that may not be Usher, but you have to admit there is a passing resemblance to the R&B superstar. Celebrity status aside, this is still a remarkable story. Apparently several drag queens rushed into McDonalds and attacked the employees. Not to be outdone by a bunch of men in dresses, the Mickey Dee's employees decided they ain't going down like that. They decided to fight back like the ride or die kinda posse you've come expect from friends of Ronald McDonald. Blows were exchanged, mugs were drug, and one of the drag monsters was doused with a batch of french fry grease.

Now I'm am not one to condone violence. I'm a peace and love mellow kinda fellow. But I must say, this story is quite amusing to me. Child, I would have paid good money to be ring side for this Thrilla by Dragzilla, for this Hiccup at the Pick-up, for this Rabble Rouse at Ronald's House.

I'm sure there was something said (or done) that excited this type of reaction from the queens in question. My spider-sense is telling me the McDonalds employees in this clip are not the victims they are pretending to be. People don't just respond in this manner without some type of catalyst. But it's still true that two wrongs don't make a right. But if you're gonna do wrong, make sure you have the manpower to back up whatevah it is you're gonna do. And it looks like these drag queens had the power they needed. I love it when queers bash back.

Soldiers For Love

2010-08-14T23:10:00.000-07:00

Today I witnessed something amazing. The ten individuals that make up the 2010 Arizona Marriage Equality Walkers completed their journey of walking 98 miles across the state bringing awareness to the need to legalize LGBT relationships through marriage. Many people gathered at the Phoenix City Hall to honor the walkers and to complete the final mile of the journey with them. The last stretch of this phenomenal feat took those in attendance from city hall to the state capital.

Seeing the people in the streets, feeling the amazing sense of unity in the air and hearing the stories from the equality walkers made the day very surreal. Knowing that this walk comes on the heals of the repeal of Prop 8 gives me hope. To paraphrase Martin Luther King, Jr., maybe one day we will see the arc of history swing towards justice.

My partner and I have been together for fourteen years and the state of Arizona (along with most of the states in our country) refuses to recognize our union. I don't know many straight couples that have endured the length of time we have yet we cannot swap rings or exchange vows legally. It is humiliating and disgracing but it is a fact. So as I bear witness to the phenomenal courage of these individuals I am simultaneously humbled and encouraged. They give me strength. As long as there are individuals like this around then the spirit of MLK lives on. As long as the equality walkers press forward with their mission the spirit of Bayard Rustin lives on. As long as there are people that take to the streets and refuse to be silent then the spirit of Mahatma Gandhi lives on.

I am grateful to have been in the midst of these individuals and I want them to know that they are role models for the LGBT community. If we are to one day see the light LGBT marriage equality, it will be because of people like this and the people that support them. Onward LGBT soldiers. Your work is not in vain.

Mitrice Richardson Found Dead

2010-08-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately the search is over for the Los Angelas lesbian, Mitrice Richardson, who has been missing for over a year. Mitrice made national headlines last year following her controversial release from the LAPD. Many have accused L.A. County of negligence because they released Richardson at night, without a cell phone and without a car. Mitrice has a history of mental illness and has suffered from bipolar disorder for several years. Some individuals that saw her on the evening of her arrest stated that she was not in a condition to drive and spoke about dazed and confused she was at the time of her arrest. She was arrested for not being able to pay for an $89 meal.

My heart goes out to the family and friends of Mitrice. I was praying for a happy ending to this story. Mitrice Richardson was smart, beautiful and well-loved and the LGBT community, African-American community, and city of L.A. have lost a terrific spirit. Rest In Peace Ms. Richardson.

Damn Those Text Messages

2010-08-12T18:46:00.000-07:00

First they got Chris Brown in trouble and now this. Ekeythia Dunston, a cop with the NYPD has been accused of shooting her girlfriend during a fight that happened because of a text message. Dunston (pictured on the right in the photo) claims she was acting in self defense from her partner that had attacked her with an iron. Her girlfriend attacked her with the iron after she read a text message that was "inappropriate." Dunston was viciously struck several times in the head with the iron and she managed to grab her police issued revolver and fire two shots at her five-year girlfriend Erica Leagall. Leagall was shot in the thigh and in the shoulder.

Both individuals were taken to the hospital. Dunston has been charged with assault and prosecutors are saying that Legall, who remains in stable condition in the hospital, will also be charged. Whats crazy is that these two have two kids together and the children were home when the fight occurred. A friend that was also at their home when everything happened has stated that Dunston did indeed fire to defend herself. Officer Dunston has been released from the hospital and has returned home.

Damn! Damn! Damn! I just don't get it. Is it because I don't text that often that I don't understand this? Is it because I don't pry through my partners texts or emails trying to find something "inappropriate" that I don't understand this? I know that love is the most powerful emotion we are capable of and it can cause us to do some crazy things. But if you ever get to point where you want to bash your lovers head open with an iron then you're at the point where you need to walk away from that relationship. Walk away for your own safety and sanity. Walk away to protect yourself. That's all I'm saying.

Derek J. - Hair Battle Spectacular

2010-08-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

Ohhh Ms. Thing! That's all I have to say about this. Derek J., whom you may know from Chris Rock's documentary Good Hair or you may have seen on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, is apparently set to be a judge for a new show entitled Hair Battle Spectacular.

According to The Advocate, Derek J. will be "calling the shots as a sweet yet headstrong judge on the new show Hair Battle Spectacular (Oxygen, Tuesdays at 10 p.m. Eastern and Pacific time). The show is a condensed, weekly version of what would typically happen at the annual Bronner Bros. International Hair Show, where stylists go head to head in coming up with (onstage, by the way) the most whimsical, fantastical, and imaginative hair creations."

Derek sat down with The Advocate to talk about how he got into the hair industry, about the upcoming show, and about the tremendous amount of pressure they put on the first season's contestants. Fantasy hair competitions are something that stylists generally have weeks if not months to prepare for. The judges on Hair Battle Spectacular will be expecting the contestants to pull off some of the remarkable creations in a matter of hours.

I'm generally not a reality TV person but this actually appeals to me for some reason. I may be tuning in to see the chaos and craziness these individuals will have to endure to walk away as victor of the Hair Battle Spectacular. Sounds like fun.

Isiah Thomas Poses for NoH8

2010-08-09T16:42:00.000-07:00

WOW is all I can say for the support from former NBA superstar Isiah Thomas and his son who just posed for the NoH8 campaign. The basketball legend had this to say about his support of same-gender marriage equality, "We posed for the NOH8 Campaign because we believe that all hate and discrimination is wrong." He went on to sayon Adam Bouska's website, "It is time for full equality and equal rights for everyone, regardless of race, sexual orientation, religion, or gender."

Kudos to Thomas and his son for doing this. It's nice to know that all in the NBA are not homophobic. I know he doesn't actually play in the league anymore but I still believe that he is very influential. He recently return to New York where he where serve as a part-time consultant for the Knicks.

I Ain't Mad At Cha

2010-07-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

Many in the LGBT community are up in arms at The View. Ever since D.L. Hugley appeared on the show and he and Sherri Shepard went on a rampage about how downlow men are spreading the HIV virus among black women (see the clip here), there have been petitions, rants and demands aimed at the show. Everyone seems to want The View to apoligize for the misinformation that was shared that day. Since an apology or a retraction has yet to happen, GLAAD has taken it upon themselves to place a full page ad in Variety magazine demanding to have a conversation about the information that was shared that day.

Is it just me, or are there others that could give a rat's ass about what Sherri and D.L. had to say on the show. I mean really, these two individuals are comediennes. They are there for entertainment purposes only. Come on, Sherri has proven time and time again that she is not the smartest person on the planet. This was the lady that thought the world was flat. And though I do honestly think D.L. is a very smart guy, he is not an expert in the field of HIV.

The View is a show that has a group of people that share their opinions. They are not (nor have they ever been) experts in any specific area they're discussing. If the HIV discussion were being conducted by doctors or health care professionals and they shared information that was this misguided, then maybe I would have a reason to be upset. But I can not get angry over a couple of comics that just spoke what they believed.

And lets take a look at this belief that they have. They believe that downlow men are causing the rapid and disproportionate spread of HIV among straight Black women. They identified down low men as Black men that have wives and girlfriends but they are secretly sleeping with men also. The only real problem I have with this conversation is that this talk track would have you believe that Black men are the only ones capable of doing this. Truth is this behaviour is common among men of all ages, races, nationalities and religions. And while it has not been concluded that the down low phenomenon is the cause of the rise in HIV transmission, I'm sorry but it still plays an important part in the equation.

Do I think The View should apologize? No I don't. This is not the first time these individuals have spoken without being completely accurate with infomation. And trust me this won't be the last time.

Whoopi Defends Mel Gibson?

2010-07-13T16:51:00.000-07:00

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE me some Whoopi Goldberg. Always have. Always will. I have a steadily growing hatred for Mr. Mel Gibson. I've heard for years that he was homophobic. My disapproval for him started then. My disapproval escalated to severe dislike with his anti-semetic rambling that happened several years ago. My dislike has now evolved into down right hatred towards this disrespectful, egotistical, down right nasty man. My current hatred stems from the conversation he recently had with his girlfriend where he repeatedly calls her a bitch and informs her it will be her own fault if she is "raped by a bunch of niggas" because of her provocative clothing. You can hear the conversation here.

As you listen to the conversation it is obvious that he is once again drunk off his ass. But I'm sorry, drunk off your ass still does not give you permission to speak and behave in a manner that is homophobic, racist or antisemetic. And I'm sorry but just because you do this when you're drunk you don't have the liberty to "take it back" once you sober up and realize what an ass you've made of yourself.

I think my feelings towards Mel will be unwavering for quite some time. He will not be easing over to my good side in the near future. And though I know my refusal to support him won't shatter his multi-million dollar empire [I'll be the first to admit the man is Hollywood gold] maybe if more people join in on the boycott he will learn that there are consequences to his stupidity.

But this post is really not about Mel Gibson. It's actually about my girl Whoopi Goldberg. Recently on The View Whoopi stated that Mel is a good friend of hers and she can speak to the fact that he is not racist. She adds, "an asshole - yes. But he's not racist. I've had him over at my house with my kids."

I've no doubt that Whoopi and Mel are good friends. However, it is still possible for friends of African-Americans to be racist. It is even possible for friends of gay folks to be homophobic. I know Whoopi felt obligated to stand up for the man that she has invited into her home when the coversation on The View shifted to his recent idiodic outburst. And I really don't fault her for the position she took. But I do question her for it. I know people that I am very comfortable with and would even use the label "friend" to describe them. But I have suspicion about how these individuals feel about the African-American population in general. These individuals may greet, smile and generally play nice with me, but that still may not change their perception of black folks. For some reason I think they see me as an exception to the norm. I tend to give everybody the benefit of the doubt. Until you act out and confirm your ignorance, I can only treat you as you treat me.

But here is the deal - once you confirm your stupidity or your ignorance, then I need to call you on it. My "friends" treat me well and I have much love and respect for them. And I'm not sure I will remove the label friend on a one time act of ignorance. I can inform them of what they did, how I perceived it and how it made me feel. They then have the option to learn from and change or continue to stay the same. Everyone can evolve and become better people.

We've seen with Mel's behavior that he is going to wallow in his place of ignorance. I don't see any effort to become a better person. Some of my friends may see me as an exception to norm and I feel this may be how Mel sees Whoopi. But truth is there is no exception to the norm. There is actually no norm. Bottom line is this - hatred towards most of my community is hatred towards me and all of my community. Mel may be friends with Whoopi. But Mel is a racist.

Man Ga-ga?

2010-07-10T20:07:00.001-07:00

So would you wear this?

E Lynn Harris: Invisible Life & Lessons Learned

2010-07-09T22:06:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I pulled Invisible Life off the shelf. I read this book in college (almost twenty years ago). Wow, it just doesn't seem that long ago that I was first introduced to this author that changed my life. I've said this before, prior to reading E. Lynn Harris I didn't know that it was possible to be black, gay and out. I thought only two out of the three were possible.

As I read it again these many years later I was reminded as to why I was struck so hard by this same-gender loving narrative. I came out while in college. So I was reading Invisible Life as a person that had only recently started to get comfortable with his sexuality. Harris touched on so many points that seemed to be directed specifically at me. In this book I witnessed someone write eloquently about living as a black, gay man.

As a product of the rural South I thought there were things I HAD to do as a part of being an adult. Growing up I received all those messages about heterosexual marriage and masculinity. In my mind I thought I would have to pursue this life, even if it meant lying to my wife, lying to my family and friends, and lying to myself.

Invisible Life forced a paradigm shift in my life. As I read this story about a lawyer torn between a relationship with the person that would make him happy (the man in his life) and the person that would make his life look good (the woman in his life), I reflected on the many lessons I learned from this novel.

Lesson 1 - First and foremost, it is important to live an authentic and honest life. Living a life that makes everyone else happy (but you're living a lie) is not fair to you or to those around you.

Lessson 2 - You really can't judge a book by it's cover. Many of the most masculine men on the planet can be same-gender loving. And some of the most effiminate of men can be straight.

Lesson 3 - HIV has no friends. Everyone and I mean everyone can catch it.

Lesson 4 - It is possible for black gay men to be successful and give back to both communities they are apart of.

Lesson 5 - Love is a powerful thing.

Lesson 6 - What you don't know CAN hurt you.

Lesson 7 - With faith, family and friends you can get through anything.

Lesson 8 - Haters are a part of life. People will hate you for your intellect, for the car you drive, for the clothes you wear or for the person you love.

Lesson 9 - You may never really know what a person is going though (no matter how close they are to you).

Lesson 10 - God loves me just as I am.

When I got the news that E. Lynn Harris had died I was stunned. I really didn't know how to react. I've read every single novel he's written. I know many men and women that were influenced by his books. I'm grateful that I had to opportunity to meet him and share with him how his words impacted my life. He was/ is an inspiration for men and women everywhere. I hope I'm living a life that would make him proud.

Divided We Fall

2010-06-28T22:24:00.000-07:00

Tonight the LGBT community stood up on behalf of the Hispanic community in an effort to put an end to Senate Bill 1070. On the 41st anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, organizers against SB 1070 have launched 30 Days of Protest. Over the course of the next month there will be countless protests, prayer vigils, and marches to bring awareness to this civil rights issue. Those in attendance seemed proud that it was the LGBT community that was chosen to kick off the start of these awareness days. For me, it was great to see both communities standing in soladarity.

Everyone I spoke with seemed to be in consensus about one thing. SB1070 is an issue that all communities need to be aware of and speaking out about. Although this bill targets the Latino community we all know that hate is hate, no matter the guise. And when it is witnessed all need to stand up and take action. Those that sit in silence give permission to injustice.

I know there are many within the LGBT community that believe that this is not our issue but I take issue with this position. I take issue with this for two reasons. First there are members of the LGBT community that are also members of the Hispanic community. To turn a blind eye to our brothers and sisters would be denying our own. But the primary reason this reasoning does not fly is simply this - hatred is hatred. Whether you are a member of the targeted community are not, we cannot sit idly by and allow this to happen. Trust me, this many people would not be boycotting our state (externally and internally) if they were not genuinely pissed off. And they have very good reason to be pissed off.

To put it plain and simple, SB1070 will be used to target and harass the Latino community. Undocumented Canadians, Asians, Europeans or Africans will have nothing to worry about. They will not be getting the question, "Where are your papers?" So I'm proud to see other communities recognize the wrong in the bill and take action to end it. United We Stand; Divided We Fall.

On hand this evening were some distinguished leaders from both the LGBT community and the Hispanic community. Tom Simployt was one of the first to speak and he recited one of my all time favorite poems, First They Came. I think it is only appropriate to end with those powerful words . . .

"THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.

THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

THEN THEY CAME for me
and by that time no one was left to speak up."

The author of this poem is unknown but I will close with a question, "If we can not speak up for others, can we really expect others to speak up for us?"

Black AIDS Task Force Leadership Summit a Success

2010-06-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday I had the fortunate opportunity to attend the first ever leadership summit hosted by the Arizona Black AIDS Task Force (AZBATF). This summit was created to recruit and train individuals interested in joining the fight against HIV. The African-American community has been hit hard by the HIV virus and this organization was created to address (and hopefully amend) the disproportianate impact this disease is having.

The purpose of the day was to create a speakers bureau for AZBATF. The day was developed to equip those in attendance with the knowledge and skills needed to comfortably address anyone about HIV/AIDS and its impact on black folks. We were informed on not only the history of HIV but also on the modes of transmission, the impact on Black women, the impact on men, and myths and fallacies about the disease.

The event was phenomenal. Some of of the biggest leaders in the HIV fight were on hand including MiAsia Pasha, RJ Shannon, and Kirk Baxter. Lunch was provided by Karim's, one the finest soul food restaurants known to Phoenix. There were representatives on hand from TERROS, the AZ State Dept. of Health Services, AZUSA Church Ministries and several other AIDS Service organizations and faith based organizations from Phoenix and Tucson. The diversity in the room was amazing and the energy and enthusiasm continued from breakfast to adjourning. Towards the end of the day several individuals were given the opportunity to put their newly acquired skills to the test. They delivered impromptu speeches to the room using the info they gained that day.

It was exciting to see this many people gathered for this amazing event and I'm personally looking forward to the next AZBATF program.

It's Been A Year

2010-06-25T18:50:00.000-07:00

When I said it people didn't believe me. I knew when Michael died that there would be weird universal, gravitational, space/ time continuum changes that people would not be able to explain. And proof positive here it is. There is no way that it has been a year since we lost this tremendously talented man, but apparently people are saying that indeed 365 days have passed. Today marks the one year anniversary of the death of the King of Pop.

No matter what you thought of the man, you cannot deny the talent. The dancing. The voice. The videos. The fashion sense that was exclusive to the Moonwalker. The eccentric behaviour. The smile. The wave of the glove. The tossing of the hat. The philanthropy. The screaming. The crotch grabbing. The sha-mone.

If Michael was anything he was a showstopper. You loved him or you hated him; there was no middle ground. I loved him. I loved everything about him. And I miss him. I do believe the world slowed down just a bit after his death. The global influence this man had was/is unparalleled and I'm still saddened by the loss. I'm disappointed that there will be no more music, no more concerts, and no more moonwalking. Michael Jackson - rest in peace. You really are gone too soon.

Fantasia: Bittersweet

2010-06-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

OMG - Fantasia looks amazing in her new video. VEVO premiered the video earlier today for Bittersweet which is the first singe from her new album "Back To Me" which is set for an August 10 release. I luv me so Fantasia and I can't wait for this album to come out.

Obama's LGBT Pride Reception

2010-06-23T16:33:00.000-07:00

Last night the President threw a reception at the White House for the LGBT community. The party was held in honor of his proclamation of June being the official Pride month. Many elite from the gay community were on hand for the festivities.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

2010-06-20T18:32:00.000-07:00

To all the members of the gay and bisexual community that have joined the fraternity of fatherhood, I hope you are enjoying this day that was set aside to celebrate you. It is unfortunate that there are still many out there that LGBT individuals cannot be good parents. There are even states with legislation in place that deny gay couples the right to adopt. But I'm proud to know many same gender loving dads that are doing a phenomenal job raising children. They have created the family they want and have not allowed society to define what they can and can not be. So for all those have decided to embrace the role of dad - to you I say, "Happy Father's Day!"

Allen Greene for Senate?

2010-06-15T22:58:00.001-07:00

Okay - thanks to Taylor from SGL Cafe for bringing this one to my attention. Apparently somehow the individual in the interview above, Allan Greene, has become the Democratic candidate for Senate for South Carolina. I'm all about getting fresh blood on Capital Hill but it is important that the person be intelligent, articulate, able to perform subject & verb agreement, able to actually complete a sentence. The person in this interview is not. The Democrats of SC have no asked Greene to withdraw from the race. What I want to know is how the hell he got in the race in the first place. WTF? How the hell did this happen. The person obviously has some kind of mental disconnect. If he is telling the truth in the interview when says he is not under the influence of anything then what he is demonstrating is some type of mental challenge that he may not necesarrily be aware of. Im embarassed for the Democratic candidate that lost to this man.

Freedom To Marry Video

2010-06-15T22:15:00.000-07:00

Take the freedom to marry pledge now!

Malawi Couple Update

2010-06-13T14:11:00.000-07:00

Thank you to the Wandering Caravan for updating me on this (this is why I love bloggers - you don't get info like this from mainstream media). Unless you've been living under a rock then you've probably heard about the gay couple in Malawi that were imprisoned and sentenced to fourteen (14) years for celebrating their relationship with a ceremony. The imprisoning and extremely harsh sentencing brought immediate international attention to this small country in central Africa. Their was harsh condemnation for such extreme measures befalling a couple that did nothing wrong.

I knew of the countries release of the couple. Caving from the global pressure and frequent critiques regarding this inhumane treatment, the Malawi government pardoned the couple and allowed them to leave the prison. But the two men were warned to immediately end their relationship or face re-arrest.

Well I just learned that the couple is no longer together. Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalanga went to their separate villages following there release and have since ended their relationship. But this was not a mutual decision. Monjeza has decided that he now wants to pursue a relationship with a woman and is no longer interested in a same-gender partner. Chimbalanga however has stated that he will remain gay. He also refutes Monjeza's statement that he was coerced into the gay relationship. According to Chimbalanga, "you cannot force love, and nobody forced him when we had our symbolic wedding in December."

For me this news is discouraging to hear. This couple endured so much because of their relationship that I was hoping their love for each other would have sustained following their release. But though I am disappointed in this news I totally understand. Really, what are your options when you are told if you stay in this relationship you will be arrested again? I applaud the courage of Chimbalanga to refuse to give in to the pressures of the law and "claim" heterosexuality when it is not his reality. But I can not say a single negative thing about his partner for attempting to assimilate in an effort to rid himself of the slurs, threats and violence he received constantly while in and most assuredly while out of prison.

ARIZONA - RACIST AND NOW HOMOPHOBIC

2010-06-12T20:25:00.000-07:00

What the hell is up with this state that I call home? We have recently decided to become blatantly racist by waving our minority hating flag proudly. First we pass the Latino hating immigration law. Then we pass legislation that prohibits the teaching of ethnic studies. The finally our racism boils over when a town over reacts to a mural that contains a person of color.

Now the hatred continues. The mayor of Yuma can be seen in the video below responding to the recent rise in attention to Don't Ask, Don't Tell. This was recorded on Memorial Day weekend and he shares how he feels about "lacy drawed, limp wristed people" serving in the military. A year ago I would have been surprised by this but with hatred being the thread that holds Arizona together now I can only sit back and wonder what's next.

More Police Brutality

2010-06-12T19:45:00.000-07:00

How is that people still hold police officers in such high esteem when videos like this continue to come out? People wonder why people of color are not fond of the men in blue, well this video is why . . .

Apparently the officer in question is sorry about what he said ("I'm gonna beat the fucking Mexian piss out of you Homie!") and he's sorry about what he did (kicking the victim in the head). The man on the ground in the video is totally innocent and the officers would eventually send him on his way. There is apparently an investigation into the incident by the Seattle police department.

My question is this - is the officer apologetic because of what he said and did or is he sorry because he got caught. Trust me on this one, if there were no video evidence this officer would be walking around laughing about the night in question.

Officers using excessive, unnecessary violence is nothing new (see here and here ). This is something that folks of color have known for some time. I don't be fooled and think that these are isolated incidents. This happens far more frequently that most would care to believe.

Gays Support Hispanic Community

2010-06-03T06:41:00.000-07:00

Thousands stood up against SB1070 (Arizona Immigration Law) last weekend in a march that filled that streets for blocks and carried its ralliers from Indian School Park to the state's capital. I am pleased to see that the LGBT community is also standing up against this injustice and taking part in the protest. Martin Luther King stated so eloquently that "injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." It is time that gays and lesbians stand up for causes outside of our own. So kudos to the HRC members that walked proudly and demonstrated their support at the immigration law march.

2010-05-29T11:12:00.001-07:00

Random Thoughts: How Many Blades Do We Need?

2010-05-24T20:04:00.000-07:00

So I just saw this commercial for the new Schick Hydra. The Schick Hydra has five razor blades and a "breakthrough hydrating reservoir and built-in skin guards." I'll repeat that, five razor blades and a "breakthrough hydrating reservoir and built-in skin guards." What I really need to know is . . . when is this maddness going to end?

Five razors? Really? I remember the day when my razor had two blades and it worked just fine. Why is there this seemingly never ending race to increase the number of blades on a razor? When the three blades came I thought, that's kinda kewl. When the four blades came I remember thinking, "they're taking this a bit too far." But now FIVE blades. Not only are there five blades but there is also a "hydration reservoir" that ensures that your skin never dries out during a shave. Like the lather and the water you use while shaving won't do the job in that area. All this to give Schick another reason to charge $10.00 for a disposable razor.

I don't know about you but I'm not falling for this BS. If we stay on this path we will soon have a razor with 10 blades, a GPS system and a 5 mega-pixel camera. Why do we need all this for a simple shave. The single and double blade has been doing an amazing job for years so I think I'll stick with what's been working.

Happy Birthday One Voice Community

2010-05-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend I went and checked out the 5 Year Anniversary celebration of the One Voice Community Center. I was at the grand opening those many moons ago when they initially opened their doors to create a safe space for members of the LGBT community. They have come a long way since then.

Five years ago the community center shared a space with the Alternatives, a gym/ health facility. Today, they are in their own building. Five years ago the community center depended on the help of volunteers to stay afloat. Today (although they still rely heavily on the work of volunteers) there is a functioning board and a staff of three that ensure the sustainability of the place. The evolution has been wonderful to watch and they are definitely moving in the right direction.

So I was glad to be able to attend the five year anniversary and I'm looking forward to what the next five years will bring. Below is my video that honors their journey . . .

Harvey Milk Day Today

2010-05-22T23:56:00.000-07:00

Today is a day that all in the LGBT community should pay attention to. It is Harvey Milk day and it is being celebrated on what would be his 80th birthday. Milk worked endlessly on behalf of equality for the LGBT community and who knows how much progress he would have made if his life were not taken from him all too soon. If you have never seen the phenomenal movie based on his life (starring Sean Penn and writen by Dustin Lance Black) you are doing yourself a disservice. So happy birthday to the man that gave his life working on the greater good for all gays, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals. Your work was not in vain and you will not be forgotten.

Happy Birthday Cher

2010-05-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

I don't care how much work she has had done, Cher simply looks amazing. And today the diva turns 54 years young. So today I just wanted to pay homage to the lady that can still roc da mic, work a stage and floss a Bob Mackie gown like nobody's business. I don't know when or how, she became such an icon for the LGBT community, but I do understand the why. She has stood the test of time and no matter why kind of obstacles are thrown her way she manages to stand tall and press on. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHER. I still believe in the love after love.

2010-05-17T18:43:00.000-07:00

International Day Against Homophobia

2010-05-17T06:13:00.000-07:00

Today is IDAHO (the International Day Against Homophobia). Although the principles of this day need to celebrated 365 days of the year, today has been chosen as one to bring attention to the psychological, physical and social harm that comes as a result of homophobia. If you are not aware of the damage being inflicted on the LGBT community every day then you clearly are not paying attention. And this hatred comes in so many different guises that often times when homophobia happens we may not even be aware of it.

Coretta Scott King stated that "Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood."

The assumption by many is that homophobia is something only straight people are capable of doing and that it is usually carried out by one (or a few indviduals) against one (or a few) LGBT individuals. While this type of homophobia is very common, it does not get to wear the title exclusively. There are several types of homophobia - internal, horizontal, and institutionalized. All are damaging to the LGBT community and all need to end.

Internalized homophobia refers to negative feelings toward oneself because of homosexuality. Self-hatred, lowed self-esteem, and no value of self-worth all result from internalized homophobia. This severe discomfort with one's own sexual orientation is generally the result of years of social training. It can result from religious upbringings, misinformed communities or conservative parents. It is also the reason why we have such a high rate of suicide in the LGBT community.

Horizontal homophobia is hatred of others because of their homosexuality. As a result of internalized homophobia, horizonatal homophobia can come from straight individuals or same-gender loving folks. Horizontal homophobia can manifest itself in many ways including bullying, verbal assaults, physical violence and murder. And because we live in a hetero-priviledged world, many assume that these behaviours are okay. The reality is in many countries it is still okay to harass, beat and kill the faggot. In some African counties the rape of lesbians in order to make them straight is commonplace. And right here in America, hate crimes against the LGBT community have been on the rise for the last few years.

The final type of homophobia may be the worst form in that it seemingly gives the other types permission to exist. Institutionalized homophobia is the way in which governments, religions, businesses, and educational systems systematically discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity. Churches that vehemently label homosexuality as sinful or as an abomination fall in this catergory. So does governments that pass legislation that targets the LGBT community and strips them of their rights and their equality (i.e. Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the Defense of Marriage Act). When these institutions choose to exhibit forms of homophobia they are giving everyone that navigates within their sphere of influence permission to do the same. That is why I think this final form may the worse type of homophobia.

And again, this type of homophobia (institutionalized) not only comes from heterosexuals in positions of power. I personally know of several church leaders that preach about the sins of homosexuality and secretly live down-low lives, sleeping with the same gender everytime the opportunity arises. And in the documentary Outrage, there are several politicians outed that repeatedly pass anti-gay legislation but frequently have same-gender sex.

None of these types of homophobia will come to an end immediately, but if we contintue to bring awareness to them hopefully we will see a trend on the side of reduction. Days like today can help in that trend. So please find out if your city is doing something for IDAHO. If not, maybe you can be the one to do something. Start with the man in the mirror.

Random Thoughts: Sharing Too Much

2010-05-17T00:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went through the Taco Bell drive-thru just to pick me up a number two combo. As I pulled up to the window I gave my usual greeting to the cashier, "How's your day going?" I was assaulted with this wave of info that everyone would consider TMI. This person decided to share with me that she has been having a horrible week after discovering her boyfriend has been cheating on her, she is fighting with her sister and a co-worker is out to get her.

I could maybe see sharing this much if you've been overwhelmed with this all at once. But this person didn't say this all happened yesterday, this was something she's been going through over the course of the week. She has had time to process all of this.

Maybe it's my own fault. See by asking this question to a total stranger that I don't know (this was not my usual Taco Bell) and will hopefully never see again, I opened the door for this intimate relationship that this person felt compelled to established with me. I started this by being polite. But am I asking too much for expecting the quintisential "just fine" or "so far so good." If you're having a bad day its okay to deliver a "well I'm here" answer without going into sharing all of these personal experiences.

I don't want to come off as selfish or conceited. I don't want you to think that I'm not concerned about others. Its just that sometimes the info people share with me makes me a bit uncomfortable and I don't like being put in that situation. After giving this info to me, what do you expect me to do with it? My interaction with this cashier would last probably 2-3 minutes. Should I be empathetic or sympathetic? Should I try to offer advice? The time I had to interact with this person would not have allowed for me to do that. And who's to say that either of these reactions would have been desired. So why unload all of this stuff on me. It's true that misery loves company and I really think this person wanted me to wallow in her misery with her. But I refuse. I didn't react to her comments. I thanked her for my burrito and soda and drove away.

Wanda Sykes Show Cancelled

2010-05-16T23:44:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, this does not come as a surprise. As much as I love Wanda Sykes, I must admit it was difficult watching this show. When the show started I was sooo excited because it seemed as if Wanda finally had a format that would allow her to be the brilliantly funny comedienne that we're extremely fond of. In the beginning I blew off the challenges as start-up woes. I figured the show was just trying to find its niche. But unfortunately that niche was never developed. I found myself repeatedly tuning in to a show that was just not that good. I don't know how much influence Wanda had in the direction of the show or if she had any creative input on the writing, but there was just something about the show that just was not working. I just could not force myself to watch this show (although I so wanted to).

My decision to stop watching the show has no bearing on my opinion of Sykes as an artist. I still consider her the funniest person on the planet right now. Her last stand up special, I'ma Be Me is the funniest thing to hit televsion since Dave Chappelle. Her advocacy on behalf of the LGBT community continues to amaze me. She is smart and beautiful. I pray that she continues to be relative and "hot" in an industry where you're only as good as your last project.

Congrats to Latifah and Jeanette

2010-05-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

Queen Latifah and her "trainer" Jeanette Jenkins have purchased a home together in L.A. You know I love the Queen. I love her as a rapper, as the star of a sitcom, as a jazz singer, and as Big Mama and the one in charge of the girls in Chicago. I love her as the star or the co-star on the big screen. No matter what the Queen touches it turns to gold. So I'm excited to learn that the Queen is taking this big step and has found a place that she and her "trainer" can call home.

I don't care if the Queen ever does come out of the closet. I will always support her. Something about this relationship is working if she is choosing to make a home with this lady and for me that is wonderful news. Their new Hollywood home cost them $1.4 million and pics of the place can be seen below.

2010-05-16T21:57:00.000-07:00

Phoenix Gay Pride Recap

2010-05-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

So I never posted anything about this year's Phoenix Pride festival and it is time for me to remedy that. This year marked the 30 year anniversary of Phoenix Pride and I enjoyed every minute of it. I was actually in the parade this year which was both terrific and disappointing. Let's face it, it's always great being in a parade. It's fun being the center of attention and prancing down the street waving at everyone. So why was it disappointing? Well, I'm a photographer. I enjoy watching (and capturing on film) the entire parade. Being in the parade you're just not able to do that. I'll try to avoid being in the parade next year. But until then, please enjoy these images that I captured at this years festival.

Also, for a review of last year's parade go here.

Most Racist State Ever?

2010-05-13T05:52:00.001-07:00

It is becoming more and more embarrassing to say that my home is the great state of Arizona. While we are still on the heels of our govenor signing into law the controversial and extremely racist HB1070 Immigration Law [the law which we all know targets the Hispanic community and gives our power hungry sheriff and his posse the ability to demand proof of citizenship of anyone], I just learned that yesterday our state has decided to ban all ethnic studies in schools. I was wondering if we go any further back into the Stone Ages and apparently the answer is yes. Effective December 31 of this year, it will now be illegal to teach classes "designed for students of a particular ethnic group, promote resentment or advocate ethnic solidarity over treating pupils as individuals."

Apparently the target of this bill were several Mexican studies courses that currently exist in Tucson's school system. These courses, which are attended by approximately 3% of the systems 55,000 students, are currently offered from elementary through high school and have an emphasis on Latino authors and history. According to Judy Burns, president of the Tucson district governing board, there are no intentions of ending the courses.

I would imagine that as a consequence, that means that there must also be an end to all Black history courses. As an African-American man I must admit that the time that I paid attention the most was when I was learning about brilliant and black inventors, when we discussed the civil rights struggle of the 60s, or when we tackled social justice issues that affected any minority group. But now it appears that my state wants to whitewash our classrooms and in an effort to please ignorant white folks. I say ignorant white folks because they all don't own the stupid gene, but it seems that many of them in power (at least in my state) have the gene and are waving their flag of ignorance very proudly.

Classes like this exist for several reasons. Black history courses, Latino history courses, women's history courses all exist because they spotlight certain demographics that we don't learn about in general survey courses. American history classes don't have time to paint a totally comprehensive view of society. So in them we don't learn about Jim Crowe or the Underground Railroad. General literature classes don't have time discuss all great writers and as a consequence many Black, female and Latino authors go unheard of.

And let's keep it real, classes like this exist not only because of the omission of facts related to these communities, but because of the lies that are being taught relative to these communities. Are we still teaching that Columbus discovered America? The America we live is has a history of killing and exiling Native peoples, stealing land and claiming ownership (east coast and west coast), enslaving groups of people for mandatory free labor (Black folks and Asian people) and we did it all in the name of "freedom." Now it seems that there is a deliberate attempt to erase these truths from the history books. Why? Because they can't handle the truth.

Truth is I've never actually claimed Arizona as my home. But it is my defacto home; I've lived here for just over a decade. I know all states have their issues. However, it seems that Arizona is spiralling out of control in its hatred and anger towards the Hispanic community. This state, which was the last state in the union to acknowledge the Martin Luther King holiday has a history of ignorance. But we should have learned from our past digressions. Keeping it real, brown skinned people inhabited this land long before white folks ever did, so I'm troubled by hostility. But now the rest of the US (and enlightened people of Arizona) have a reason to continue to protest and point fingers at our state. I thought our goal was to evolve, not devolve.

Finally Reading Hiding In Hip Hop

2010-05-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

I know I'm two years late (this book came out in 2008) but I've finally gotten around to reading Hiding In Hip Hop. I was excited about this book when the fanfare about its release first started. Someone was finally going to reveal the hypocrisy of Hip Hop. This genre that is the epitome of homophobia is ridled with down-low men that have sex with other men. I was hoping for a tell all book that would drop names, places, dates and sexual positions.

I know that I repeatedly say that I'm against outing people but Hip Hop has historically not be a friend of ours, so I was okay with the outings that were going to happen. It's similarly to how I was okay with outings in the movie Outrage where anti-gay politicians were proven to be same-gender loving and their names were blasted for all of the world to see. I'm okay with people being closeted; but when you do things to harm the LGBT community and you're same-gender loving yourself, I have an issue with it and you need to be called on your hypocrisy.

Then I learned that would be no name dropping in the book and my interest went away. There would only be hints and innuendos. So I never picked up the book. But here we are two years later and the book finally landed in my lap. I've been devouring it for the past two days and I must admit, I'm very disappointed in myself for not reading this sooner.

The book is not so much a tell all about Hip Hop and Hollywood. It is more so the author's journey as he leads us through his youth, his struggle with self acceptance, his difficult in loving and being loved by his family, and his entry into and navigation of the curious and controversial world of down-low men. It just so happens that his world of down low men is an elite one filled with powerhouses from the world of entertainment. Although the hints of celebrities is indeed tittilating (you can't help but to assume you know exactly who he's talking about) it is the the personal testimonies and challenges that the writer endures that are the most revealing.

Hiding in Hip Hop does a terrific job in tackling many taboos of the LGBT community and the African-American community. In the very beginning he breaks it down. There is a reason that men are on the down-low. "Many of us are emotionally and mentally damaged from our religious upbringings, misinformed communities or conservative parents." I'm not saying that this justifies the behaviour; I'm just saying (and I've been saying for years) these men had help in getting into their closets. Terrance Dean does a fantastic job in weaving together a complicated story that involves the black church, HIV/AIDS, black fraternities, and the interesting (and mutually benefitting) relationship between homosexuality and Hip Hop. I think this is a must read for all - straight, gay, black and white.

Maxine Waters Pleas to Finds Lesbian

2010-05-10T06:28:00.000-07:00

It is items like this that make me love Maxine Waters. Congresswoman Waters just wrote a letter to the US Dept. of Justice asking them to investigate the adult missing persons case of Mitrice Richardson. Richardson is a 25 year old African-American that came up missing in September of 2009. She was being held in custody by Agoura Hills Las Angeles Sheiff's Dept. for not paying a restaurant bill but was released that same night because of overcrowding in the jail. She was spotted briefly sitting on someone's front porch but has not been seen since.

The letter from Maxine Waters to the US Dept. of Justice comes after a similar plea to the FBI was declined with a statement of their policy to not investigate adult missing person's cases. My prayers go out to the family and friends of Mitrice and my kudos go out to Maxine Waters for taking action.

It was upon learning more about this young lady that made me want to post this article. For one, Mitrice is a lesbian. If I can bring any awareness, help or support to same-gender loving persons of color then I am going to do it. It's what this blog is all about. Also, she was an honor student graduating from Cal State Fullerton and preparing to go into a doctorate program. She was smart and beautiful and now she is missing in action.

What's unfortunate is that Mitrice has a history of mental illness. She suffers from untreated bipolar disorder. Also, there are individuals from the restaurant where Mitrice was arrested that said that she was in no condition to drive. The L.A. police totally dropped the ball on this one as they released Mitrice in the middle of the night (approximately 12:30 AM) without phone, money, identification or her car which was impounded that night.